Tag Archives: hope

This is Love

I realize I haven’t kept up with my consistency in writing, but to be transparent I think I have felt that I said everything I had to say and needed to wait until something else weighed on my heart to write about. I understand we are fountains of wisdom that daily grows, but I didn’t want to just keep writing because I needed to ‘perform.’ Starting this blog, I was more focused on the audience of one instead of the audience of some. And I guess recently it had become more so concerned with the audience of some. Meaning I was more so worried about what you think about me and the words I piece together than what Abba thought about me. I mean the followers had to be fulfilled right? The attention had to be constantly locked or else I would lose my “platform”….

OK so yes.. that was all thrown out my mind’s window before I even began this whole blog site, unfortunatley somewhere it slowly seeped in. BUT performing to keep an audience was never my identity to begin with nor is it something I intend to do. I am going to do us both a favor and write as consistently as I feel led to. Because you dont want a thrown together hamburger helper type of word painting and I dont want to throw words together for you just to check off the task of “writing a blog.” I want this blog to be powerful in a way that provokes you the reader to something greater than where you currently stand, to feel empowered even in tough seasons and to release everything I love about encouraging like the hope, joy, peace and love. So now that I’ve released a mouthful heres my actual post :

For my book lovers, You know when you read a book and finish the last page and your heart just becomes saddened? Because for the last amount of time you took to read it was a wonderful getaway in the lives of the characters you imagined up in your mind and the story was too amazing to even have an end??

That JUST happened to me and it happened in the best way, I felt sad but I was so full of confidence it became bittersweet.

I know you book lovers are dying to know what book I read so before I lose your focus on what this post is about … it’s Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers (you’re welcome😉)
Anyway to give you a summary it’s based on Hosea. To be specific, it completely magnified the first three chapters.

If you havent read the book of Hosea I would, but moving into this the main thing highlighted for me was the relentless love of The Father.

We (believers and those who have yet to) tend to hear that a lot.. “The Love of the Father” “Unfailing love” “Agape love”
etc. We sing songs about it like the infamous “How He Loves”

But, experiencing the awe striking simplicity and yet depth of this Love is beyond what our human minds and hearts can contain. I’m fully aware that even if we receive this Love.. it will never be fully comprehended until we meet Papa in Heaven.

I haven’t cried so hard in my life whilst reading a book. The way it was drawn out just compelled me completely. I shook.

The rawness and intentionality of His love for me became even more real than it was when I first experienced it.

This could be a spoiler for you, but it’ll still be as good when you read it promise:

The story was about a woman who has a past that she thought was too dark and ugly for her to ever even come out of; a prostitute. Her life -as you could imagine how a girl would even become a prostitute- was horrible, hopeless, dry, and without love.

Until, a man came along and persisted on showing her what love was. He came knowing what she did for a living and it didn’t bother him, He still relentlessly pursued her without ever labeling her as a promiscuous woman, jezebel, harlot, whichever. He 100% accepted her and loved her for who she was created to be. For the woman that hid shivering behind all this facade of emotionless flesh.

Just stopping right there is moving enough don’t you think?

Ponder about this for a moment.. what story does it remind you of?

I’ll keep going in case it hasn’t hit you yet.

If that weren’t what every woman wanted already – to be ‘saved’, to have a prince in shiny armor come on horseback to sweep us off our feet with the madness of love he had for us from our wretched lifestyle- He kept doing this. I mean He furiously loved her so much that when she was too uncomfortable with this new lifestyle because it seemed to good to be true and left.. He pursued her more. He fought for her. Literally.

Only to bring her HOME.

He didn’t quiver or give up because she left him, He L O V E D her.
LOVE.

Let’s pause.. and hit something really quick again -since I have before in my posts-

that word has become cliche.. love. People use it so loosely like when I say, “I love french fries.” -I do it too.. but I really do love fries.- honestly its become so normal to say “I love you” or to even say “Jesus loves you” “God loves you”

To a world that’s hungry for love those words have absolutely no meaning anymore.. some just think Jesus was a hippie who loved everyone in the typical human way.. but it was SO much more than that.

Step into the shoes of this prostitute for a moment.. growing up not believing in any positive thing because every negative thing you could imagine happened right before your very eyes fully ripping away any and every ounce of hope in existence. Your whole life was a bad dream, so you finally just accept that this is who you are and who you’ll always be.

Then you hear this hope message about a man who is in love with you. Furiously. He just will not stop pursuing you until you are in His arms for good.

At first of course, your un-renewed mind can’t process this truth. So you shove it all away.

And He still keeps coming.
Again. And again. And again.

Actually proving to you left and right that His love is true.

Because you’re uncomfortable with love you push Him away. Hurting Him by the curses from your very mouth and the lies you’ve been fed your entire life about this love.

STILL. . He waits patiently for you to come. What do you do?

This is the relentless pursuit some of us have had the privilege of experiencing.. the reason why we even believe in this God in the first place. LOVE.

It wasn’t rules that provoked me.
It wasn’t fear of going to hell.
It wasn’t because I desperately needed to believe in something..

I was undeniably provoked/compelled by this Love and I know I have absolutely no 100% clue about its vastness.

Those of you that havent experienced this..
Those of you that refuse to experience this..
Those of you who CURSE people who experience this..
Those of you who believe its all a myth made up to make us feel good inside.

YOU.. HE STILL LOVES YOU.

You could push His love away. You could deny His existence. You could curse Him when you feel it’s right because everything is going wrong regardless if you believed in Him to start with -because someone is to blame for your bad season-. You could spit on His very name and choose to keep running away from the one thing every human being on this earth craves.. LOVE.

AND HE WOULD STILL
love you.
I bawled my eyes out because I felt this unction in my heart like I came to the realization that no matter what I did in my past, nor what I would ever do in my future makes a difference on how much I am loved by my creator.

I knew this before.. I felt it before.. It was the very reason why I stand as the woman I am today proclaiming His goodness.. and still it wrecked me all over again. 

I am a living human being.. a small town girl. I have never been in the limelight, my name isn’t in headline news.. I am known by a handful of people.

But this means nothing to Him.. He has always known me. To Him I have been in the limelight of His sight. He has seen me and noticed me my whole life. I wasn’t ever wandering aimlessly trying to make sense of the world without Him there the entire time.

Life isn’t about dying.

It’s never been about making a living.

It’s never been about seeing how many disasters you could survive..

Life isn’t a game show.

You were made for LOVE.

You didn’t come out from this ‘spark’ in the sky.

You weren’t once a tadpole that turned into a monkey..
That turned into a hairless monkey.

You were CREATED. Just as every living thing on this earth was.

that’s the truth.

And no matter how far away you run from it.. It will continue to remain true… The creator of the universe will still be in love with you.

In fact, if you keep running so much you might just run into Him.

I am in no way starting a debate. You can believe what you want to believe about how you came to be.. and whether or not God is real. That’s fine.

But, I know when that day comes when you finally realize this love isn’t a myth.. That your ugliest and darkest parts of your past or even your present didn’t move or shift the way this Love seen you..
when you give up trying to label your own self because of the things you’ve done.. or being set in the way you “are”
When you stand up for yourself and tell the constant lying voice to get lost..

When you decide to open your heart and “just see” what this Love is all about..

That’s the day that will change your life forever.

Until then, this furious, relentless, never ending, faithful, deep, unfailing, enduring, steadfast, unconditional LOVE will be there waiting.

God is love. The only love powerful enough to transform you from the inside out. No other love could compare. 

This song played this morning and it reminded me of the book because it tied in so well..

“Try to stop Your love and You would wage a war,
try to take the very thing You gave Your life for,
You would come running,
Tear down every wall,
all the while shouting,
My love you’re worth it all..

God you pursue me, with power and glory

Unstoppable
Love that never ends

You’re unrelenting with passion and mercy
Unstoppable Love that never ends.

You broke into the silence and sang Your song of hope
A melody resounding in the deep of my soul
You have come running
You tore down every wall
all the while You’re shouting
My Love you’re worth it all.

God you pursue me with power and glory
Unstoppable Love that never ends
You’re unrelenting with passion and mercy
Unstoppable Love that never ends

No sin, no shame
No past, no pain
can separate me from your love

no height, no depth
no fear, no debt
can separate me from your love
..”

Unstoppable love – Kim Walker-Smith
Be refreshed in this love my sister.  Remember the first time it completely over took you, when you couldn’t even walk. All there was to do was weep at the revelation of being loved like this.

And my friends that have yet to know a Love like this.. I pray one day you will decide to accept it.

Not all love comes at a price that YOU have to pay.. This Love.. was bought for you already.

Papa, I sit here in awe of your love, it baffles me how much there is to be revealed to us about the vastness of it. I can do nothing but weep with a grateful heart that you chose me before I could ever choose you. I pray that everyone who reads this would come into a deeper revelation of your love. That it would penetrate even the sturdiest of walls encamped around their hearts. I pray Abba that you would become more real to those that don’t even believe you exist even now. And for your daughters who have already been transformed and wrecked by your love.. Get em more Papa. I pray they would be swayed deeper in the waves of your love. Most of all.. help us to love like you. With every new revelation I pray it would compel us to love at a greater capacity than what we did before. Thank you for choosing us and for never giving up, never leaving our side no matter how many times we have turned our back or gave up on you. Unstoppable love.. You are everything, In Jesus name, Amen.

P.s. I realize I have not popped in scripture to back up this truth Lord so please place it on their hearts to seek them out for theirselves 😉 

Loving you beloved, 

Tanisha Poni 💜

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Class of 2015 

Since I have been attending Graduation parties this weekend and that.. I’ve decided to address the graduates of 2015. 

Goodness, realizing its been 9 years since I’ve graduated myself is mind boggling. 

On my graduation day I remember feeling like I finally accomplished something, I made it. 

It wasn’t just in academics.. it was way more than that. 

I pushed passed the trials that came up in my teenage life, like breakups and friendships turned sour in a matter of seconds. 

I made it through feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. – things that fueled depression and suicidal thoughts- 

I had friends.. but most days I felt alone. 

High School was not the greatest 4 years of my life, but I survived and walked that stage with a genuine smile accompanied by a peace sign. 😄✌

Whether you’re graduating high school or college.. Congratulations on pushing passed the hard times and making it through the annoying lies -that provoked negative feelings to try and weigh you down.-

You did it!

Now what?! 

Every day leading up to this one you made choices
Some, you had to sacrifice fun nights out for studying or doing homework.

Others, you chose whether or not to try new things that everyone else was doing, just to fit in.

And most, you were confused in what direction to choose. 

I don’t want to burst your bubble about this grand new adventure you’re embarking on but.. the choices don’t stop. 

You will continually have to choose what you’re going to do or not do everyday for the rest of your adult life. 

The difference between then and now is you have gained a bit more insight on your identity.. or at least I hope you did. 😉

In knowing more of your identity.. now the choices won’t consume you, you will have peace within to operate from. 

You will go back to your last victories in choosing what is most beneficial for you and lean on those for support. 

You WILL succeed. For success lies in the heart of the successor. You get to define what success looks like for you, not anyone else. 

You WILL prosper in all you do. The itch to try a different desire or passion out is most likely on your mind and I say GO FOR IT! Don’t hold back in your season of discovering what you will do for the rest of your life. – Jeremiah 29:11

You WILL stay steadfast anchored in Papa’s unfailing and perfect love. I know most people say they lost their motivation to stay in relationship with The Lord, or they got distracted, didn’t want to live a life of purity, or whichever have you whilst in college or after.. but you have nothing to fear. -Isaiah 26:3-4 , Proverbs 23:17-18 

You WILL know what to do. You’re not alone in feeling like you don’t have a clue on what to do as your next step, what to pursue, what to claim.. But, you WILL. -Psalm 27:14

You don’t have to have it all together just because you’re graduating.. you don’t have to have your next ten years planned out and strictly go by them because you wrote it down in pen.  

Remember: YOU ARE CONSTANTLY GROWING. 

You may start off with one major and graduate with something else. You might discover you don’t want to do what you studied to do, you want to do something different.. or 

You could be in your line of work- what you got a degree for- and suddenly realize it isn’t your calling. 

THIS IS OK! 

There is no timeline to get stuff right the first time. There is a running clock, but it listens to your commands not the other way around. You are in control of time. You have the ability to MAKE time. 

So my beautiful graduate, what do you want to do?


Who do you want to be? 

Regardless of paycheck amounts and financial stabilities, what would you be happy doing for the rest of your life? 

The “job” I desire most is one that has no course, it has no classes to go to unless otherwise made up by someone who has done it before and created some sort of guide but even then everyone is different. 

The “job” I long for doesn’t even get paid in money. 

Crazy right? Like what am I supposed to tell the people who graduated with me who have went off to gain doctorate degrees, or become lawyers, presidents, and whatever else? 

Once this gets mentioned a shocked subtle look appears on the askers face and is followed by an, “Oh, thats nice.” 
BUT, I am proud to say it. I feel successful, I know my life isn’t over when I accomplish one dream or two. Life still goes on. There is no arrival -until we see the pearly gates of course- I mentioned before life is a JOURNEY

There should be no comparison to ‘her ‘life, or ‘her’ life. Her success isn’t what fits your definition, it’s by her’s. It doesn’t matter what your life looks like lined up next to her’s, because it was never meant to be there in the first place. You can’t compare your middle to someone’s end or beginning it’s not fair to. 

I am definitely going off on rabbit trails, but going back to it… I love saying I am home, taking care of my house and my husband when people ask. I love to say I mentor students and when they ask how much I get paid I smile and say I volunteer-like why does $ even become relevant??- And of course I want to transform the world..😆  I love to claim these truths because no matter what I do in life it doesnt have an inch on my identity. I could do housewife work but that’s not who I AM.. 

What you do doesn’t define WHO you are. 

I am a daughter of the most high God. 

He created me to be loved. 

I am bold, brave, joyful, amazing, wise, fun, loving..etc. 
Cause that’s who He created me to be. – that’s not just my truth.. it’s yours. 

When people ask you about your career or your life on goings it’s not, “Who are you?

they ask, “WHAT do you DO?

So, in the semi-chaotic time of figuring life out and who you’re going to be.. remember you already know that.. you’re just figuring out what you’re going to DO with who you are. Where you have a desire to apply it. 

If you have absolutely no idea.. I would suggest finding out who you are (your “I Am” ’s) and whose you are.. (Papa’s) 

Ya know, I was in the same boat for those of you who still don’t know what you want to do.. all I knew at the moment was that I wanted my relationship with Papa to grow. To know more of Jesus, to be closer to Him. To witness crazy things the bible mentioned. 

But, I went to junior college because that’s the “moral” thing to do.. and I hated it (except one class). Then, I went to a bible college because it lined up with my desire; until I realized listening to a monotoned lecture on theology or just the ongoings of the bible wasn’t cutting it for me. It was bland and boring. I lost some hope in finding out what I wanted and I felt sick because I suddenly felt lost in the world.. who was I? 

I ended up going to a Jesus Culture conference, where I heard a very vital message on DREAMS and the pursuit of them. I realized I was trying to fulfill other’s dreams they had for me and not living out my own. I had a major desire to be involved in some sort of ministry school that would give me what I longed for: my identity in Jesus, hands on training to change the world in my own unique way, interaction with scripture -not just reading it and giving me word studies on each word-, I wanted Jesus more than anything. 

And it just so happens there was a perfect school for me that I knew about for a little bit of time and never thought I could pursue the fun stuff before I pursued the not so fun stuff like general education and degrees -sorry if you think that’s fun, I just didn’t like school like that hah- 

I threw out all obligations of what outlines of a graduate should look like.. and decided to pursue my dream. I applied to Kingdom Culture School of Transformation -the ministry school- without knowing how I would even pay tuition, but I knew Papa would take care of it for me because it’s His desire to see my desires manifest. -And yours 😊

KCST gave me everything I desired and looked for.. except they gave much much more. 

I realized what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, and whose I was. I no longer struggled with what path I should take, or feared my future.. My life came together within 10months of the first year program and today I am forever grateful for the decision I made to invest in myself and my dreams. 

I shared all that to say: 

You have a choice darling… to live a life YOU will love. Don’t live it for someone else.. live it for YOU. 

Sheesh..Sorry it was all over the place ha, but  I hope you had some sense of relief or hope or encouragement in your brand new season and I pray you would seek the life you have dreamed of. For you. ☺️

Papa, thank you for holding the future in your hands. Thank you that in your word it says you have plans to prosper us and not to harm us. Thank you that we can be confident in the fact that you want to best for us and will give us every resource we need to get there. I pray that the eyes of your brand new graduates would be opened to every option YOU have set before them. May they discern what it is they should say yes to and what to say no to in this season and be at peace with their decision. Thank you that it promises in your word, you direct the steps of the righteous and you delight in every detail of our lives. Help them not to forget these truths and promises on their new journey Lord and may they be drawn even closer to you. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Loving you.. you brilliant gem, 
Tanisha Poni 💜

Ps. if you desire to know more about the school of ministry I attended please feel free to check out our website ; check out student testimonies and our youtube videos, etc. It might just be the thing you’ve been looking for 😉  We are accepting applications now for the fall >>  KCST.org  

Keep Going

🙈 I’m so sorry! I know it’s been three weeks and a day since I’ve posted. Brazil was more busy than I thought.. and the side effect of jet lag -laziness- got me.. But! I won’t wait till next Monday to share this with you so here’s my trip in a nutshell and the story of a miracle I contended for: 

After 2 plane rides and a bus trip (about 20 hours of travel time) we made it to the city of Santos. 
-I was overly satisfied because the weather was absolutely perfect (I’m not a lover of heat and humidity so I prayed it would be breezy and not as hot 😉) 
We arrived to our house that was complete with our own cook and translator. There was a spiral staircase  leading to three rooms that we made our own majority of the trip. -each room had its own air conditioning and a full bathroom! 
 (I know Americans right? 😄) 
After settling in, we enjoyed lunch with the leaders of the church we partnered with.. And it felt like we’ve known them our whole life! Instant family bonding type of feel. (The relationships we built with them was definitely the best part of it all)
That lunch launched us into our conference we were holding in Santos.. Where we witnessed CRAZY miracles and encounters: 
We seen blind eyes open! 
Deaf ears open! 
Legs shorter than the other grew out to line up with the other! 
Cancerous lumps disappeared! 
Severe pain in backs, knees, shoulders, necks and wrists were healed! 
Even on point prophetic words that were given brought healing! 
The conference was totally insane. One service the Joy of the Lord took over and the whole church broke out in laughter for about 20mins! Just pure laughter.. -Joy is medicine to the soul,(proverbs 17:22) some got healed from just laughing that night! 
One of the nights, I met a woman who had a leg severely shorter than the other; She had to wear a platform on one side and a flat shoe on the other just to match them up! 
I wanted to pray for her because I knew what Papa could do and I’ve seen it done before.. But, never like this. Still, my faith was soaring and I HAD to see this miracle. 
I went up to her and asked her if I could pray; she said yes and I had her sit down on a chair so I could see her legs stretched out. I began to pray with a translator translating for me. After, I asked her if she felt anything going on and she said no, but she felt lots of peace. 
I wasn’t satisfied.. This woman had been walking this way for years and years and I wanted to see it stop! 
So I prayed again.. and again.. and finally I found out SHE DIDNT EVEN HAVE A HIP! 
I was praying for the wrong thing first. So, I called a brand new hip to form and she felt heat in her hip area! We praised God and went for it again.. I told her I wasn’t going to stop praying til I seen this miracle.. 
50 minutes later I found myself on the floor holding her feet in my hands crying out to God for this to take place.. Praying in heavenly language.. I even walked her around commanding that leg to line up.. But, it didn’t. 
I poured out so much in prayer, faith, hope, and love for this. -we were both literally intoxicated in His presence. It was tangibly thick in that place.. I couldn’t stand after- I was so excited to see it happen and it didn’t.. We had to leave because it was late and we were doing service again the next day so we needed to rest. 
She told me before we left that she believed it would happen and knowing she had hope pushed me out the door. In the car ride back to the house I was upset, but I still had tenacity to see this happen and was determined to pray again the next day. 
Tom – a missionary called to Brazil who was our connection to this trip- said, “I had a vision of this healing while you were praying, but it was so good and you were on a roll that I didn’t want to interrupt.. I seen her leg shoot out while she was on her bed sleeping!”  I said amen and held onto that vision. 
The next day I went for it again! Haha 
It was all I thought about.. It fully tugged my heart to see this happen. 
I prayed and prayed.. But that leg didn’t grow out. I told her about the vision Tom had and that I was still standing with her in seeing this come to life. She received and said she believed it would happen too.. We said our good nights and left. 
I prayed for her two more times after that and before I prayed for her the first of these last two times, she said she felt lots of heat in her leg while she was in her bed laying down! We got so excited and praised Papa once again for what He was doing.. But, I left Brazil seeing every other crazy miracle except this one. 
I didn’t understand why- Because, we don’t know absolutely everything-I was sad, but I knew it would happen whether it was in front of me or not. 
Not for a second was I doubting my faith or tenacity to see healing. I didn’t care about the lies that popped up in my head stating things like I wasn’t doing enough, or that there was too much doubt in the room or whatever other dumb thing that came up.. Because I KNEW. 
I knew it’s God’s will to heal
Today, I’ve been back in California for almost a week and I still believe she will receive that miracle. 
Hear what I’m saying: 
Sometimes, we are going to face things like this. We aren’t going to see the instant miracle. We won’t see the fruit of our labor. We won’t witness a tangible ‘souvenir’ if you will of the cry of our heart. 
IT DOESNT MEAN NOTHING IS HAPPENING. 
It’s impossible to pray and have nothing happen.. Yes, I realize it may LOOK like nothing is happening, but we walk by FAITH not by sight. 😉 (2 Corinthians 5:7) 
I know for a moment it’s tough to swallow.. Trust me, I’ve had more than a handful of times this has happened. I have no other choice or desire than to stand on the truth though: 
“… They will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.” (‭Mark‬ ‭16‬:‭18‬ NIV)
The Hebrew word for will means.. WILL.  
It doesn’t mean maybe, sometimes, hopefully, or only if you have enough faith. They WILL get well. 
That’s the truth. That’s a PROMISE. 
I laid my hands on several people to release healing and haven’t seen it with my eyes. But, I know something happened. And if I don’t find out what did til I get to heaven that’s fine. I’m ok with it. I won’t stop praying. 
Don’t stop. 
Keep going for it. 
Contend for the desires of your heart; whether it’s to see a family member come to know Jesus, that miraculous healing you need or someone you love needs.. Whatever it is.. Keep praying. 
Grip your faith. 
Protect your peace. 
Hold onto hope. 
Angels of the Lord hearken after the word of God is released. They take off with lighting speed to make sure something happens when you pray.  (Psalm 103:20) 
Take heart prayer warrior.. Your prayers are heard and motion is taking place. It’s just a matter of time. 😉 
Papa, you are the worthy one. You are everything we have ever needed and will need. Thank you so much for helping us keep our faith and protect our peace in moments where we could think you’re not hearing us or you’re not doing something because your word declares the truth. Thank you for what we do see but I also want to thank you for the unseen.. I know you are good. Thank you.. Thank you, thank you.. Your praise will ever be on our lips. In Jesus name, Amen. 
Loving you, 
Tanisha Poni 💜 

Fight like a girl

It’s so funny how anything that has “like a girl” at the end of it is considered some kind of deficiency.

In elementary school it was like the number one comeback.

But, doing anything “like a girl” in this world full of ignorant perspectives is actually a compliment

When I was younger – ok who am I kidding this still reigns true today- I was all about Disney princesses. I dreamed about what it would be like to be a princess in real life- little did I know I already was one- but, it wasn’t just because of all the fancier things or the love stories.. each one had a moment of courage, breakthrough strength, or stood for what they believed in.

They fought for their happy ending. And they fought like girls.

Ariel stood up for her opposing perspective on what she happened to be passionate about against her own father.

Jasmine put her foot down to laws that stripped a woman of her choice in falling in love.

Mulan became a warrior in an army she wasn’t accepted in, and saved the whole nation of China from being taken over.

Cinderella wouldn’t give up the fact that she deserved better and the simple ability to desire such things.

Belle refused to be conformed to the world around her, regardless if she was being spoken about or accepted.

Pocahontas had no fear towards the unknown when everyone around her did.
I could go on and on, but you get my point.

Happy endings didn’t just spring upon them right after a perfect and untouched life.
Their victory was already in them in the midst of trial. Their very choice in defying the odds manifested that victory.

So what’s the difference between us and a Disney princess?

Animation.

We ARE princesses, and we FIGHT LIKE GIRLS.

Feels more like a compliment now don’t it?

It’s my desire to see women step into their ultimate level of confidence in just being a woman period. For living in a world where they get ridiculed and belittled by the surrounding naysayers and still walk tall because they know the truth. They know who they are. They know to whom they belong.

At the age of 12, I found myself to be the only girl in a boxing gym. I had a love for boxing because it brought my father and I together to have something to talk about when I was in my teens and I grew such a passion that at the sound of actually doing it made me leap. But it wasn’t easy.

I wasn’t treated any different just because I was a girl, I had to do the same workout the guys did:
Run 3 miles without stopping (or else you got an extra 100 push ups or sit-ups added to the 200 you already had to do of each)
3 Rounds of Jump-rope – 1 round consists of 3 minutes
2 rounds of shadow boxing
1 round per boxing bag (there were four)
200 sit ups
200 push ups and if you were asked, you’d do a few rounds of sparring. ( like a practice fight in the ring with another boxer)

Yea I know..only 12 doing this huge workout.

Some days I felt intimidated by the guys because they would say stuff to me.. you know like, “you fight like a girl” and my response would mostly be, “I am a girl.” -doy. But, in any case they felt they had the upper hand; their muscles were bigger or they punched harder. And sure, that may have been a fact but the truth was, I was strong. If not stronger because of my mindset. -I did have rough days though, sometimes I’d cry because I didn’t want to go to box. I felt alone in a world full of sweaty boys, and I mean that work out is pretty rigorous!-

One day in my age of 14 (I boxed for a total of three years), I was told that I would spar one of the guys that just so happened to have been a friend of mine.. well, before the sparring match. -yes a guy-

I was so nervous, but I got in there and danced around a bit, got in my corner and waited for the bell to go off. -Mind you, this guy had been mouthing off to our friends at school about sparring me and how he was going to knock me out.-

The first round we danced around a bit, and he started throwing out punches and I was doing my best to bob and weave. I got hit a couple times in the body and once in the face (I kept dropping my left hand.)
The timer went off to signal the round was over and I was shocked that he hit me like that. But then this craziness came over me.. I wasn’t going to be afraid of him, I was going to make him afraid of me.

The second round bell went off and I came out like a bullet. I didn’t give no time for dancing around, I started swinging. Probably took him by surprise because he kept backing up when he threw a punch. And all I kept thinking was ‘get him in the corner and light him up’ in moments that’s exactly where he ended up.

I brought out my combination punches, I went for the body first and then the head and I was connecting every single punch! The glorious moment though was my final punch, the uppercut. I prepped that punch with every bit of strength I had left and released; that uppercut hit his chin so perfectly and in adequate force he fell to his knees.

I shocked my own self. haha
I backed up and watched as he tried getting up but, he stood dazed for a bit, so our coach called it quits and that was it. The whole gym looked at me like they hadn’t ever seen me before. -oh you know the dumb remarks about being a girl was thrown out their vocabulary for sure.-

From that day on I was untouchable. I felt this new surge of confidence I hadn’t felt before and it was evident. I was proud to fight like a girl. To fight like me.

Flash forward to the now..

To be completely honest for awhile that epic and pivotal day was just a faint memory. I barely remembered that tenacity of fight within me. Until I was reminded the other day, when I felt like I couldn’t handle any more bad news. But, as I remembered the fight in me it was different this time.

It wasn’t by my own strength that I felt this revive within me it was by His.
And although I was so recharged to come out swinging, I felt like Papa was holding me back-like if I was a little sparky fighter saying, “let me at em!” and then I was provoked to seek this scripture out:

You will NOT have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.” 2 Chronicles 20:17

Sometimes, fighting like a girl means protecting our peace and allowing Papa to keep us safe, and fight for us.The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

If you have felt like its been a never-ending hamster ball of bad news, stress, being overwhelmed, dealing with fear, anxiety, or anything else negative.. it might be time to allow Papa to fight for you.

You’re not losing when you take time to protect your peace or rest in Him. It’s actually your greatest weapon-as I have mentioned before and will continue to cause it’s so good.-

The confidence I have in the truth that I can handle anything because He strengthens me, releases so much rest. I don’t have to prove the fight in me to anyone not even Papa. Neither do you.

Fight like a girl who knows who’s side she fights from.
Fight like a girl who believes no matter what it looks like she already has victory.
Fight like a girl who won’t surrender her peace to any negative lie.
Fight like a girl..like you.💪  You can do this, because He said so.

Take pride in being a girl lovely. It’s a gift. (who wants to pee standing up anyway? 🙈)

Papa, I thank you for protecting us, for fighting for us. For being our savior. I pray that you would revive the confidence within us to fight like a girl. I pray we would walk in your peace and know that you are our strength. Help us to discern which fighting style we are in for our current season Papa. Thank you for loving us, and for being such a great father. I love you, In Jesus name amen.

Loving you,
Tanisha Poni 💜

Untamed

We might be here a little while so get comfy.. 

Last week, something crazy came over me. . I was angry, but it was a Godly anger. Rightfully so , my beautiful mother started losing her hair due to chemo. 

(Before you think this is a venting moment or a pity party 👉 halt. This is merely build up to the crazy.) 

That was something I definitely didn’t want to happen, but it did.. I knew she was uncomfortable, and upset for having her hair taken away from her in this kind of way. 

I refused to not do something, and in the beginning of all this I told her if she happened to lose her hair, I would shave the side of my head. 

This is where the crazy comes in: 

I told my husband about her losing her hair, and that I wanted to be a woman of my word and shave the side of my head.. He asked if I was sure and after my reply of yes, he said, “ok let’s do it right now then.” 

In my adrenaline rush I was all for it, ready to stand with her even if it was just the side and not my entire head.. But, I didn’t know what I was in for.. 

We measured out the part I wanted to be shaved off, and then the clippers got plugged in. Before he took it straight to my head, he had to buzz off the length of my hair. As I seen my hair fall into the wastebasket it was as if I just seen something die.. My heart was gripped and I felt this rush of emotion. 

I had to put worship music on for the rest of it because I felt without it I would be a mess. -You’re probably laughing or wondering why it’s just a haircut it grows back..etc. well I’m the type of girl who cries after a haircut.. Because I regret cutting my long hair. So SHAVING my hair off was huge to me- 

The sound of the clippers became louder as they grazed my head, more hair dived off.. And tears began to flow. This was purely by choice of course, but for a moment I felt as if my womanhood was being compromised. Thoughts started to roll in: 

What if I hate it? 

What if my husband hates it? 

Will I still be confident with my beauty? 

Will my husband still be attracted to me? 

And in the knick of time I hear these lyrics coming from the worship in the background , “In every season, in every change you are near, in every sorrow, you are my strength you are near, a peace in the storm your voice I will follow, in weakness I rise remembering you hold my world, I’m holding on to hope, I’m holding on to grace,I’m fully letting go, I’m surrendered to your ways, the anchor for my soul, Father you will never change, I love you..” (Anchor- bethel music) 

Instantly the overwhelming “what if” questions and sad emotions were no where to be found. This surge of liberty came over me, along with insane joy. 

I felt untouchable. My Father in Heaven was with me. In that instant moment I had a vision of Jesus laughing, and it hit me.. 

This is not where my identity rests. I’m not my hair length. 

My womanhood isn’t validated by my “lovely locks” nor any other outward adornment. I am a woman because I was born that way. There is nothing that could disqualify me from being a woman nor could anything disqualify me from being beautiful. 

A huge smile took over my face as I seen the word UNTAMED. 

Untamed: not domesticated or otherwise controlled

I felt untamed, no longer confined to the borderlines of what the world calls beautiful. I felt untamed to the facts that men prefer long hair and find it to be more attractive than short hair. I felt untamed to the thoughts that doubted all this. I became FREER in that 10minutes within the beauty regime than I ever had before. It’s crazy what Papa could do in such a short amount of time.. 

Now about you.. This is about you. 

You are a WOMAN. Not because of your hair, curves or no curves, huge lips or thin lips, long lashes or short lashes, your shoe size, number of accessories you obtain, or a certain style of clothes.. You will remain a woman, a BEAUTIFUL woman without all of those. 

Hair has become everything to a woman outside of her face and body. 

Hair care product companies make billions because beautiful, shiny, bouncy and awestriking hair is advertised and worshiped. 

As well as makeup companies, and get thin quick products. 

WHY?! 

Because women of this world have been tamed to a certain mold of what beauty is. 

I mean long hair is even mentioned biblically as a need for a woman right? 

1 Corinthians 11 talks about hair and head coverings but I want to highlight verses 14 and 15 “Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him, but if a woman has long hair it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering.” 

Now this seems like it’s completely against my whole blog, but I wanted to cut this open for those of you who feel like this is the opposing argument for this particular topic. 

Whenever we read the bible we need to put into perspective a few things: 

1. We must read the entire chapter not singled out verses because that would make lots of boo boos. The context of the verse is important.

2. What was the culture or customs of Corinth (or whichever place the book was written in) so we know backgrounds to this chapter or book. 

3. What is the author trying to get across and how does it apply today? 

So in doing these things I came to find Paul was drawing on a custom of the church in that day to illustrate that he wasn’t anyone’s covering or spiritual head. He was telling men and women of the Corinth church that they were under submission to Christ. As well as women being submissive to their husbands. He wasn’t establishing a dress code. 

It makes sense as to why we could feel all these emotions about our appearance, especially our attachment to our hair. 

But, like I mentioned earlier a woman’s identity doesn’t rest in such small things! 

I don’t mean to disregard sensitivity to such a subject since I am in the arena of my mother and her process in this, but this is the truth. 

Forget the molds. The airbrushed models. The huge butts and breasts that are plastered all over social media as some shrine of attractive femininity. The hair care product commercials with the overly shiny, long and perfectly intact hair. The makeup advertisements that push covering yourself up with your “perfect matched shade” or the glamorous long eye lashes. 

Be UNTAMED. Go against the grain. 💪

I’m not saying beauty products are terrible, or to go bald, or curse your hairstylist. At all. 

I believe we should be confident in who we are as a woman and whose we are. Naturally. If this season you’re naturally a blonde or brunette, 98lbs or 300lbs, you have long hair or you’re completely bald.. Find a way to be kind to you. Walk out confidence in faith if you have yet to gain it. When you are embracing the natural you and know without these said products how loved and awestriking YOU already are.. It makes it seem like it’s just another game of dress up and no longer cover up. 😉 

You’re already flawless. You’re MORE THAN enough. 

Don’t like your health? Change it. But don’t beat yourself up over it. 

We all have seasons. We all have moments. It’s OK. You’re not alone. 

Remember seasons change 😊 

You’re already perfect to Him.. You don’t have to strive for it. 

Although right now it may seem like Papa’s approval of you or how He sees you isn’t enough.. Continue to get closer to Him darling and soon it’ll be beyond enough. 

Papa, I am so proud that we are women in your kingdom. The final bow on top of your gift of creation, thank you that our identity rests in you. That we can be untamed and liberated in such a world that worships what they label as perfection in a woman. We’re no longer a slave to this regime. We are fierce, captivating, and victorious daughters of God. May our minds be renewed in this area Papa, and the confidence spill out everywhere we go. Even in our morning trip to the bathroom as the mirror stands there to point out our bed head and morning face, let that confidence start there. ☺️ thank you for seeing us as flawless women, for calling us to higher perspectives and places with you. You truly are the anchor of our soul, I love you. In Jesus name, amen. 

Loving you untamed gems, 

Tanisha Poni 💜 

Ps. Thank you to those who have mentioned they’re praying for my mother I appreciate your prayers! We will get through this season and she will be even more radiant than she already is. 😊💜

Keep your peace 

So I forgot to write my blog in the midst of all this sickness I’ve been battling. Wah!  😩 I apologize.. It is my goal to weekly post on Monday and I have failed.. To everyone who has been dedicated Monday readers, I have failed you too and for this I am sorry. 

Let me explain: 

I felt a tickle in my throat on Friday night -right after a S.H.E girls night out- and thought no this isn’t trying to happen to me.. Sorry sickness ya gotta go! 

Saturday I woke up with a full on sore throat and a slight cough to which I also said the above eviction notice to… Only to find myself bed ridden by Sunday

Now with this all going on you could imagine my face since this sickness didn’t listen to me the first two times… It wasn’t a cute wink sister. 

Monday fever broke out along with some extra bathroom time as I sat and hugged the toilet three times outta the day. Gross but who doesn’t do that while getting sick? 

Tuesday-Wednesday I remained the same except no more getting sick.. But the symptoms caused me to miss out on one of the fonder things in life.. Food. 

Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday…. became the same ride. 

Yesterday was the first day I began to feel a little better. I even put on makeup and something with an actual button for pants. But my energy was still low.. 

Why are you telling us your whole life Tanisha?! 

Because I am a woman of faith and I know and fully believe in healing and what the word says, “By His wounds I am healed” And I have been dealing with this cold for 8 days.. Some could consider that evidence for healing being untrue.. Or even worse God not being God.. 

But, during all this I chose to keep my peace. (Isaiah 26:3) 

Was I upset that I was sick longer than I felt I should be? Sure. 

Was I tired from not being able to sleep or eat properly? You bet. 

Still.. I wouldn’t let go of the promise He gave to be completely healed and to be able to keep my peace through it all. 

Now, keeping my peace didn’t look like a smile on my face after I coughed for a minute straight.. It didn’t look like me sitting with my legs crossed,hands together and my eyes closed.. 

It looked like me not having my peace shaken. I protected it.. From thoughts of doubt.. And anything else that would try and steal it. I fueled my peace with truth-scripture- and sometimes songs that reassured me of that truth.. 

No matter what it looked like or how hard it felt to go through.. Protecting my peace was more important. I made sure I let my husband know if I felt weak at all in this so he could help me hold my hands up like Aaron and Hur did for Moses (Exodus 17:12) 

 Now, this is my true life story this isn’t some “super Christian” post this is my life. This is how I operate. I can’t choose anything else because everything else doesn’t work- trust me I’ve tried (before my relationship with God of course)

Every hardship I face I turn to Papa. I turn to His word.. And if I am weak in those times I turn to someone who I know will help me refocus. 

In Psalm 34:19 it says, “A righteous man may have many troubles, BUT THE LORD delivers him from them all.” 

may: might

All: all

I’m not in this walk because I heard it was easy..I’m in this because I can’t get enough of my God who has given me life.

I say all that to say this:  in times of trial or hardship keep your peace.. Stir yourself up if you’re not “feeling it” and get around someone who will push you higher when you think you can’t make it. 

That’s all for now, protect that peace sister. 😉

Papa, I thank you for your peace. The peace that surpasses all understanding. Thank you that no matter what happens to us you deliver us from every trouble. It is your promise. You are a good good God and we couldn’t live without you. I pray we wouldn’t forget your benefits Papa and the great gift it is to be able to approach you with even the smallest bothersome things. You are our peace. Thank you, in Jesus name amen. 

Loving you, 

Tanisha Poni 💜

Mountain climbing

 
I’ll climb that mountain when I get there.” 

I’m sure most of you have heard this phrase before.. Lately, I’ve been hearing it more often than usual. 

Every now and then we come upon a mountain or notice one instantly pop up before us-obviously metaphorically but, they truly do feel like mountains- and we must figure out how to climb or move them. 

I mentioned before about the condition my mother found out she was in. But, in case you’re just joining me… Breast cancer was the condition. Since I last wrote about it she has undergone surgery to remove the tumor and is now in preparation to start chemo treatments. 

Questions rise up within people who happen to be around us in this season like, “How long does she have to do chemo?”  “Is she going to lose her hair?” Or “How is she doing with all of this?”  For the most part, my mother has taken it piece by piece and not worrying about the next stage until she gets there.. So have I. 

Now, the next mountain is here and it didn’t really strike me til Saturday. Like an epiphany, it wiped out the fact that this isn’t just regular shots she has to take, or pain pills.. This stuff is meant to kill cancer cells. 

Whilst in this epiphany I had two choices: I could stay in the discouraged and frightened state or I could choose to figure out what I need to get myself over this mountain. 

Sunday came along and this verse found me, “The pain you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.” (Romans 8:18 paraphrased) 

Pain can’t compare to joy. 

I began to feel a certain stirring within me as if I was being clothed in mountain climbing gear on the inside. 

The promise that we would make it to not only the top of this mountain but over it, became the motivation I needed to even pursue it. 
When you know and fully believe in the joy that’s set before you and who set it for you, will allow mobility in tough seasons. 

The perfect song “I will climb” by Will Reagan and United Pursuit has been on repeat in the boom box of my mind the past three days:  

I know that I can trust you…. I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the maker of Heaven… I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open, I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open…there’s nothing I hold onto to..” 

Hands wide open, fully embracing the process, finding the joy in it, letting every negative thing go and journeying on. Confident in the outcome, confident in the strength that has been placed within us, strapped with overflowing joy, and knowing Papa is doing something with this chapter of our story. 

Right now, you may have a mountain to climb, and standing at the bottom of it can seem intimidating. Look beyond it for a moment.. Imagine it conquered, removed, whichever but focus in on the joy that’s coming. 

You can very well do this. 

You CAN very well do this

Whether it’s grabbing hold of that mustard seed sized faith and moving the entire mountain, or being called to climb you are capable. 

It is possible to scrape a knee, to sweat, to need a break to catch your breath, but it’s even more possible to soar to the top after your first step. Peace, joy, faith, and hope will give you wings.. it ain’t red bull. 👎 

So open your eyes, let all the extra weight go, put a smile on, and start climbing you overcomer. Remember to take in the view from the top! 


Papa, I am well aware that you never leave, nor will you plan to in the hardest times. Thank you for being with us every step of the way. For believing in us, for cheering us on. Thank you for your unfailing love and joy. For peace of mind, and power. Mountains will not steal our trust in you nor will our joy be tormented. I fully believe you will turn this all around for the good because we love you. May we have joy, peace, faith, and hope from the beginning to the end. Thank you for what you’re doing, and what you’re going to do. 😊 in Jesus name, amen. 

Loving you, 
Tanisha Poni 💜