Tag Archives: identity

This is Love

I realize I haven’t kept up with my consistency in writing, but to be transparent I think I have felt that I said everything I had to say and needed to wait until something else weighed on my heart to write about. I understand we are fountains of wisdom that daily grows, but I didn’t want to just keep writing because I needed to ‘perform.’ Starting this blog, I was more focused on the audience of one instead of the audience of some. And I guess recently it had become more so concerned with the audience of some. Meaning I was more so worried about what you think about me and the words I piece together than what Abba thought about me. I mean the followers had to be fulfilled right? The attention had to be constantly locked or else I would lose my “platform”….

OK so yes.. that was all thrown out my mind’s window before I even began this whole blog site, unfortunatley somewhere it slowly seeped in. BUT performing to keep an audience was never my identity to begin with nor is it something I intend to do. I am going to do us both a favor and write as consistently as I feel led to. Because you dont want a thrown together hamburger helper type of word painting and I dont want to throw words together for you just to check off the task of “writing a blog.” I want this blog to be powerful in a way that provokes you the reader to something greater than where you currently stand, to feel empowered even in tough seasons and to release everything I love about encouraging like the hope, joy, peace and love. So now that I’ve released a mouthful heres my actual post :

For my book lovers, You know when you read a book and finish the last page and your heart just becomes saddened? Because for the last amount of time you took to read it was a wonderful getaway in the lives of the characters you imagined up in your mind and the story was too amazing to even have an end??

That JUST happened to me and it happened in the best way, I felt sad but I was so full of confidence it became bittersweet.

I know you book lovers are dying to know what book I read so before I lose your focus on what this post is about … it’s Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers (you’re welcome😉)
Anyway to give you a summary it’s based on Hosea. To be specific, it completely magnified the first three chapters.

If you havent read the book of Hosea I would, but moving into this the main thing highlighted for me was the relentless love of The Father.

We (believers and those who have yet to) tend to hear that a lot.. “The Love of the Father” “Unfailing love” “Agape love”
etc. We sing songs about it like the infamous “How He Loves”

But, experiencing the awe striking simplicity and yet depth of this Love is beyond what our human minds and hearts can contain. I’m fully aware that even if we receive this Love.. it will never be fully comprehended until we meet Papa in Heaven.

I haven’t cried so hard in my life whilst reading a book. The way it was drawn out just compelled me completely. I shook.

The rawness and intentionality of His love for me became even more real than it was when I first experienced it.

This could be a spoiler for you, but it’ll still be as good when you read it promise:

The story was about a woman who has a past that she thought was too dark and ugly for her to ever even come out of; a prostitute. Her life -as you could imagine how a girl would even become a prostitute- was horrible, hopeless, dry, and without love.

Until, a man came along and persisted on showing her what love was. He came knowing what she did for a living and it didn’t bother him, He still relentlessly pursued her without ever labeling her as a promiscuous woman, jezebel, harlot, whichever. He 100% accepted her and loved her for who she was created to be. For the woman that hid shivering behind all this facade of emotionless flesh.

Just stopping right there is moving enough don’t you think?

Ponder about this for a moment.. what story does it remind you of?

I’ll keep going in case it hasn’t hit you yet.

If that weren’t what every woman wanted already – to be ‘saved’, to have a prince in shiny armor come on horseback to sweep us off our feet with the madness of love he had for us from our wretched lifestyle- He kept doing this. I mean He furiously loved her so much that when she was too uncomfortable with this new lifestyle because it seemed to good to be true and left.. He pursued her more. He fought for her. Literally.

Only to bring her HOME.

He didn’t quiver or give up because she left him, He L O V E D her.
LOVE.

Let’s pause.. and hit something really quick again -since I have before in my posts-

that word has become cliche.. love. People use it so loosely like when I say, “I love french fries.” -I do it too.. but I really do love fries.- honestly its become so normal to say “I love you” or to even say “Jesus loves you” “God loves you”

To a world that’s hungry for love those words have absolutely no meaning anymore.. some just think Jesus was a hippie who loved everyone in the typical human way.. but it was SO much more than that.

Step into the shoes of this prostitute for a moment.. growing up not believing in any positive thing because every negative thing you could imagine happened right before your very eyes fully ripping away any and every ounce of hope in existence. Your whole life was a bad dream, so you finally just accept that this is who you are and who you’ll always be.

Then you hear this hope message about a man who is in love with you. Furiously. He just will not stop pursuing you until you are in His arms for good.

At first of course, your un-renewed mind can’t process this truth. So you shove it all away.

And He still keeps coming.
Again. And again. And again.

Actually proving to you left and right that His love is true.

Because you’re uncomfortable with love you push Him away. Hurting Him by the curses from your very mouth and the lies you’ve been fed your entire life about this love.

STILL. . He waits patiently for you to come. What do you do?

This is the relentless pursuit some of us have had the privilege of experiencing.. the reason why we even believe in this God in the first place. LOVE.

It wasn’t rules that provoked me.
It wasn’t fear of going to hell.
It wasn’t because I desperately needed to believe in something..

I was undeniably provoked/compelled by this Love and I know I have absolutely no 100% clue about its vastness.

Those of you that havent experienced this..
Those of you that refuse to experience this..
Those of you who CURSE people who experience this..
Those of you who believe its all a myth made up to make us feel good inside.

YOU.. HE STILL LOVES YOU.

You could push His love away. You could deny His existence. You could curse Him when you feel it’s right because everything is going wrong regardless if you believed in Him to start with -because someone is to blame for your bad season-. You could spit on His very name and choose to keep running away from the one thing every human being on this earth craves.. LOVE.

AND HE WOULD STILL
love you.
I bawled my eyes out because I felt this unction in my heart like I came to the realization that no matter what I did in my past, nor what I would ever do in my future makes a difference on how much I am loved by my creator.

I knew this before.. I felt it before.. It was the very reason why I stand as the woman I am today proclaiming His goodness.. and still it wrecked me all over again. 

I am a living human being.. a small town girl. I have never been in the limelight, my name isn’t in headline news.. I am known by a handful of people.

But this means nothing to Him.. He has always known me. To Him I have been in the limelight of His sight. He has seen me and noticed me my whole life. I wasn’t ever wandering aimlessly trying to make sense of the world without Him there the entire time.

Life isn’t about dying.

It’s never been about making a living.

It’s never been about seeing how many disasters you could survive..

Life isn’t a game show.

You were made for LOVE.

You didn’t come out from this ‘spark’ in the sky.

You weren’t once a tadpole that turned into a monkey..
That turned into a hairless monkey.

You were CREATED. Just as every living thing on this earth was.

that’s the truth.

And no matter how far away you run from it.. It will continue to remain true… The creator of the universe will still be in love with you.

In fact, if you keep running so much you might just run into Him.

I am in no way starting a debate. You can believe what you want to believe about how you came to be.. and whether or not God is real. That’s fine.

But, I know when that day comes when you finally realize this love isn’t a myth.. That your ugliest and darkest parts of your past or even your present didn’t move or shift the way this Love seen you..
when you give up trying to label your own self because of the things you’ve done.. or being set in the way you “are”
When you stand up for yourself and tell the constant lying voice to get lost..

When you decide to open your heart and “just see” what this Love is all about..

That’s the day that will change your life forever.

Until then, this furious, relentless, never ending, faithful, deep, unfailing, enduring, steadfast, unconditional LOVE will be there waiting.

God is love. The only love powerful enough to transform you from the inside out. No other love could compare. 

This song played this morning and it reminded me of the book because it tied in so well..

“Try to stop Your love and You would wage a war,
try to take the very thing You gave Your life for,
You would come running,
Tear down every wall,
all the while shouting,
My love you’re worth it all..

God you pursue me, with power and glory

Unstoppable
Love that never ends

You’re unrelenting with passion and mercy
Unstoppable Love that never ends.

You broke into the silence and sang Your song of hope
A melody resounding in the deep of my soul
You have come running
You tore down every wall
all the while You’re shouting
My Love you’re worth it all.

God you pursue me with power and glory
Unstoppable Love that never ends
You’re unrelenting with passion and mercy
Unstoppable Love that never ends

No sin, no shame
No past, no pain
can separate me from your love

no height, no depth
no fear, no debt
can separate me from your love
..”

Unstoppable love – Kim Walker-Smith
Be refreshed in this love my sister.  Remember the first time it completely over took you, when you couldn’t even walk. All there was to do was weep at the revelation of being loved like this.

And my friends that have yet to know a Love like this.. I pray one day you will decide to accept it.

Not all love comes at a price that YOU have to pay.. This Love.. was bought for you already.

Papa, I sit here in awe of your love, it baffles me how much there is to be revealed to us about the vastness of it. I can do nothing but weep with a grateful heart that you chose me before I could ever choose you. I pray that everyone who reads this would come into a deeper revelation of your love. That it would penetrate even the sturdiest of walls encamped around their hearts. I pray Abba that you would become more real to those that don’t even believe you exist even now. And for your daughters who have already been transformed and wrecked by your love.. Get em more Papa. I pray they would be swayed deeper in the waves of your love. Most of all.. help us to love like you. With every new revelation I pray it would compel us to love at a greater capacity than what we did before. Thank you for choosing us and for never giving up, never leaving our side no matter how many times we have turned our back or gave up on you. Unstoppable love.. You are everything, In Jesus name, Amen.

P.s. I realize I have not popped in scripture to back up this truth Lord so please place it on their hearts to seek them out for theirselves 😉 

Loving you beloved, 

Tanisha Poni 💜

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Untamed

We might be here a little while so get comfy.. 

Last week, something crazy came over me. . I was angry, but it was a Godly anger. Rightfully so , my beautiful mother started losing her hair due to chemo. 

(Before you think this is a venting moment or a pity party 👉 halt. This is merely build up to the crazy.) 

That was something I definitely didn’t want to happen, but it did.. I knew she was uncomfortable, and upset for having her hair taken away from her in this kind of way. 

I refused to not do something, and in the beginning of all this I told her if she happened to lose her hair, I would shave the side of my head. 

This is where the crazy comes in: 

I told my husband about her losing her hair, and that I wanted to be a woman of my word and shave the side of my head.. He asked if I was sure and after my reply of yes, he said, “ok let’s do it right now then.” 

In my adrenaline rush I was all for it, ready to stand with her even if it was just the side and not my entire head.. But, I didn’t know what I was in for.. 

We measured out the part I wanted to be shaved off, and then the clippers got plugged in. Before he took it straight to my head, he had to buzz off the length of my hair. As I seen my hair fall into the wastebasket it was as if I just seen something die.. My heart was gripped and I felt this rush of emotion. 

I had to put worship music on for the rest of it because I felt without it I would be a mess. -You’re probably laughing or wondering why it’s just a haircut it grows back..etc. well I’m the type of girl who cries after a haircut.. Because I regret cutting my long hair. So SHAVING my hair off was huge to me- 

The sound of the clippers became louder as they grazed my head, more hair dived off.. And tears began to flow. This was purely by choice of course, but for a moment I felt as if my womanhood was being compromised. Thoughts started to roll in: 

What if I hate it? 

What if my husband hates it? 

Will I still be confident with my beauty? 

Will my husband still be attracted to me? 

And in the knick of time I hear these lyrics coming from the worship in the background , “In every season, in every change you are near, in every sorrow, you are my strength you are near, a peace in the storm your voice I will follow, in weakness I rise remembering you hold my world, I’m holding on to hope, I’m holding on to grace,I’m fully letting go, I’m surrendered to your ways, the anchor for my soul, Father you will never change, I love you..” (Anchor- bethel music) 

Instantly the overwhelming “what if” questions and sad emotions were no where to be found. This surge of liberty came over me, along with insane joy. 

I felt untouchable. My Father in Heaven was with me. In that instant moment I had a vision of Jesus laughing, and it hit me.. 

This is not where my identity rests. I’m not my hair length. 

My womanhood isn’t validated by my “lovely locks” nor any other outward adornment. I am a woman because I was born that way. There is nothing that could disqualify me from being a woman nor could anything disqualify me from being beautiful. 

A huge smile took over my face as I seen the word UNTAMED. 

Untamed: not domesticated or otherwise controlled

I felt untamed, no longer confined to the borderlines of what the world calls beautiful. I felt untamed to the facts that men prefer long hair and find it to be more attractive than short hair. I felt untamed to the thoughts that doubted all this. I became FREER in that 10minutes within the beauty regime than I ever had before. It’s crazy what Papa could do in such a short amount of time.. 

Now about you.. This is about you. 

You are a WOMAN. Not because of your hair, curves or no curves, huge lips or thin lips, long lashes or short lashes, your shoe size, number of accessories you obtain, or a certain style of clothes.. You will remain a woman, a BEAUTIFUL woman without all of those. 

Hair has become everything to a woman outside of her face and body. 

Hair care product companies make billions because beautiful, shiny, bouncy and awestriking hair is advertised and worshiped. 

As well as makeup companies, and get thin quick products. 

WHY?! 

Because women of this world have been tamed to a certain mold of what beauty is. 

I mean long hair is even mentioned biblically as a need for a woman right? 

1 Corinthians 11 talks about hair and head coverings but I want to highlight verses 14 and 15 “Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him, but if a woman has long hair it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering.” 

Now this seems like it’s completely against my whole blog, but I wanted to cut this open for those of you who feel like this is the opposing argument for this particular topic. 

Whenever we read the bible we need to put into perspective a few things: 

1. We must read the entire chapter not singled out verses because that would make lots of boo boos. The context of the verse is important.

2. What was the culture or customs of Corinth (or whichever place the book was written in) so we know backgrounds to this chapter or book. 

3. What is the author trying to get across and how does it apply today? 

So in doing these things I came to find Paul was drawing on a custom of the church in that day to illustrate that he wasn’t anyone’s covering or spiritual head. He was telling men and women of the Corinth church that they were under submission to Christ. As well as women being submissive to their husbands. He wasn’t establishing a dress code. 

It makes sense as to why we could feel all these emotions about our appearance, especially our attachment to our hair. 

But, like I mentioned earlier a woman’s identity doesn’t rest in such small things! 

I don’t mean to disregard sensitivity to such a subject since I am in the arena of my mother and her process in this, but this is the truth. 

Forget the molds. The airbrushed models. The huge butts and breasts that are plastered all over social media as some shrine of attractive femininity. The hair care product commercials with the overly shiny, long and perfectly intact hair. The makeup advertisements that push covering yourself up with your “perfect matched shade” or the glamorous long eye lashes. 

Be UNTAMED. Go against the grain. 💪

I’m not saying beauty products are terrible, or to go bald, or curse your hairstylist. At all. 

I believe we should be confident in who we are as a woman and whose we are. Naturally. If this season you’re naturally a blonde or brunette, 98lbs or 300lbs, you have long hair or you’re completely bald.. Find a way to be kind to you. Walk out confidence in faith if you have yet to gain it. When you are embracing the natural you and know without these said products how loved and awestriking YOU already are.. It makes it seem like it’s just another game of dress up and no longer cover up. 😉 

You’re already flawless. You’re MORE THAN enough. 

Don’t like your health? Change it. But don’t beat yourself up over it. 

We all have seasons. We all have moments. It’s OK. You’re not alone. 

Remember seasons change 😊 

You’re already perfect to Him.. You don’t have to strive for it. 

Although right now it may seem like Papa’s approval of you or how He sees you isn’t enough.. Continue to get closer to Him darling and soon it’ll be beyond enough. 

Papa, I am so proud that we are women in your kingdom. The final bow on top of your gift of creation, thank you that our identity rests in you. That we can be untamed and liberated in such a world that worships what they label as perfection in a woman. We’re no longer a slave to this regime. We are fierce, captivating, and victorious daughters of God. May our minds be renewed in this area Papa, and the confidence spill out everywhere we go. Even in our morning trip to the bathroom as the mirror stands there to point out our bed head and morning face, let that confidence start there. ☺️ thank you for seeing us as flawless women, for calling us to higher perspectives and places with you. You truly are the anchor of our soul, I love you. In Jesus name, amen. 

Loving you untamed gems, 

Tanisha Poni 💜 

Ps. Thank you to those who have mentioned they’re praying for my mother I appreciate your prayers! We will get through this season and she will be even more radiant than she already is. 😊💜

Remember who you are

I woke up the other night/morning asking the Lord what was on His heart for me to blog about.. and granted it may have been around 12am that I asked such a question, but this is what I really got 👉 a vivid vision of The Lion King scene where Simba meets Rafiki, talks about his past and then has a vision of his father telling him, “Remember who you are.”

(Papa knows us and because He knows I am fond of Disney… He likes to give me messages through characters and movies.😄 )

Afterward, I had this strong feeling of the past holding some of us back. Keeping us from receiving all 2015 has for us or even the next 24hrs.

YOUR PAST DOES NOT HAVE THE ACCESS TO DEFINE YOU NOR KEEP YOU.
unless you let it.

The day you asked Jesus to be your Lord you became a NEW CREATION. The old washed away and He made all things new.
(2 Corinthians 5:17)

To Him the past never even happened.

ISNT THAT NUTS?! How is that possible? Because it feels so real to us right? Yet HE REMEMBERS ONLY THE NEW. If you brought your past up to His attention I’m sure he would respond with, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” -Trust me, I’ve asked-

For us, living in the natural world a huge percentage of the time (cause we can experience the supernatural too okay💁), it’s easy to stay in our past. WE think we have to be properly punished for it, because grace and mercy just aren’t going to cut it. No, that’s too nice for us to accept. But, we raise our hands, shout, sing, dance, and receive prayer…. only to go home with the same grey cloud of self-hatred and unforgiveness.

When we do this, we are flat out telling Jesus, “You weren’t enough.”

oh the very real pain that comes from even imagining this cuts deep.

Heroine, JESUS was MORE THAN enough.
He knew.
He knew what He was getting into. He knew He would pay a higher price for people who wouldn’t even squeeze out a rock for him. He knew He would be the one who would suffer consequences for all the “horrible” deeds, sins, etc. done in this world for people who wouldn’t even accept that gift. He KNEW.

How dare I sit there and tell my savior, “Look, Jesus.. you have done so much for me, you loved me, you accepted me, you brought me out of depression, filled my heart with joy, and gave me strength to overcome anxiety, but you see this past mistake… the most horrible thing I did? That is just way too much for you to just wipe away. I have to live with this guilt and shame for the rest of my life, because that’s what I deserve. My self-punishment is more powerful than your sacrifice for me.

N O!!!!!

Darling, He PAID IT ALL.
even after our growing falls and pains. We fall and get picked back up, EVERY TIME.

Just because it happened, or you CHOSE to do it.. doesn’t mean you have it permanently attached to your life resume.

Praise God for GRACE, MERCY and JESUS!

(shame, guilt, and condemnation are from hell.)

Simba ran away, with guilt and shame thinking he killed his father. And Scar let him. Scar WANTED him to think/feel this way. Because he knew if Simba grew up and found out all he was, Scar would be thrown out of pride rock. Forever.

Lovely…. it is time for you to take your place in HIS Kingdom. We cannot sit around some jungle eating bugs the rest of our life because we are afraid of people seeing the “truth” about the kind of person we were or what we did.

IT DOESNT MATTER.
He paid it all.
You are F R E E.

“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my OWN sake, and remembers your sins no more.” – Isaiah 43:25-

“Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over OLD history. Be alert, be PRESENT. I’m about to do something brand-new. IT’S BURSTING OUT! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands.” – Isaiah 43:18-19 MSG-

Remember WHO YOU ARE. (And WHOSE you are.)

Oh you don’t know??
let me help you out..
You is kind, you is smart, you is important.” haha ok no really.. here you go:

1st and foremost you are A DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH KING.
You are POWERFUL.
You are CAPABLE.
You are BEAUTIFUL.
You are MATCHLESS.
You are INFLUENTIAL.
You are CONFIDENT.
You are BRILLIANT.
You are JOYFUL.
You are BRAVE.
You are BOLD.
You are ROYALTY.
You are FORGIVEN.
You are CHOSEN.
You are ACCEPTED.
You are LOVED.
You are HIS.

Don’t shake your head…just receive. These are your TRUTHS. This is only a pinch of who you are and how Papa sees you. I gave you a pretty great head start. So run back to your rightful place, discover the more to this list, and reveal YOU.

All of creation is waiting for it.

“For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.” Romans 8:19

Papa, you are everything. Daily we are thankful for the sacrifice you made at the cross. For choosing us. For loving us with a love we will never fully be able to grasp. You are the best Papa in the whole world. I pray that from this year forward every chain that has bound us to our past would forever be broken NOW in Jesus name. I pray that the thoughts, lies, feelings and emotions that are negative towards this would disappear right now. Every ounce of pain and self hatred has to go right now too. Papa I pray that you would replace all this junk with your GRACE, PEACE, and most of all PERFECT LOVE. I declare 2015 will be the year we say, “YES!” whole heartedly to our rightful place in your kingdom and to knowing and continually discovering our identity in you. Thank you so much Papa, I love you. In Jesus name Amen.

If you have been victim to your own self hatred or unforgiveness and would like to get rid of it pray this from your heart:

Papa, right now I choose to repent (turn away from) from self hatred and I choose to come out of alignment with it and everything that came with it right now. I also choose to forgive myself of my past mistakes, and my past in general and choose to come out of alignment with unforgiveness and into alignment with the truth that I have been redeemed. I choose from this day forward to not be governed by my past but by your love. Thank you Papa, In Jesus name amen.”

😊

*If you have further questions on this subject or what you just prayed please feel free to email me at weareshe1@gmail.com I’d love to do my best to answer them*

Loving you,
Tanisha Poni 💜