Tag Archives: life

Even if He doesn’t 

It’s been months I know and I have got on my own case about writing but my life has been a roller coaster since August…
On July 28th I found out one of the most life changing truths I could come upon… Seeing a positive sign on a pregnancy test.

I thought my heart fell out my butt as I instantly felt this shock wave come over me. For a moment, all I could do was study this little stick in all angles to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, but yep this was real life. I’m pregnant. Life was beginning to form within my womb…


The night before I went to the bathroom and noticed some spotting.. just when I thought my monthly cycle was upon me I heard the Lord say,

You’re pregnant.

To make sure I wasn’t just thinking I heard that, I checked my cycle calendar (highly suggest getting an app that helps you do this it does wonders for preparation in traveling and things) and sure enough I wasn’t supposed to start till three days later..

and then I heard Him say it again.. “You’re pregnant.”

those words continued to ring in my spirit the whole night.. until the morning when I was able to take a physical test.

When I found out for sure I prayed with my best friend whom came over to be with me to take this test so I wouldn’t freak out alone ha. -I wanted to surprise my husband with one of those cute pregnancy reveals pinterest had to offer.. that’s why he wasn’t the one with me-

I had read a book that had my confidence in being pregnant solid. I wasn’t so much afraid of what would go on inside me and even thinking about labor or delivery. I was more nervous about the idea that I was going to be a mom..

To be more vulnerable.. I probably have the least amount of patience with kids. I mean they’re adorable, and full of life and joy etc. But when they’re screaming about wanting a toy in the store, start babbling super loud in church service, get attitude when they’re still below 3ft…. they just don’t have that grace from me… cause I’ll get some ‘tude right back! 😂

it sounds terrible I know, but they just get on a girl’s nerves. phew I said it, I feel better.

There are two handfuls of kids that I have no problem with as they have supernaturally entered my grace for children zone-it is a small one- but other than that I just don’t volunteer for children activities to save your kids and myself 😅

But here I am about to become a mother myself in 4 months!  -currently I am 5 1/2 months-

All these things went through my mind.. and then the first trimester surprises hit.. the nauseous feeling when it came to foods, or any smell that I just couldn’t take… which brought not eating much, going through my first migraine -lasted four hours I wanted to pistol whip that migraine- and other uncomfortable physical, mental and emotional symptoms.

When I found out I was growing a human I was thinking I wouldn’t get hit with these at all, as I believed in this being a supernatural pregnancy and thinking such, to me it meant skating free from icky symptoms..

Well I didn’t skate free ha. I didn’t skate at all I felt like I had been completely muted to God for a moment.. Pain would come before this pregnancy or sickness and all I would have to do was command it to go in the name of Jesus and it went. No problem. But this time my prayers didn’t seem to do that instantaneous miracle. And going through the pain seemed like I was doing something wrong.

But I wasn’t.

I felt things I’ve never felt before during those first 3 months.. I even wanted to quit several times.. the stretching was too much for me to handle.

It was still summer, but to me I was experiencing a spiritual winter.. and I LOVE winter! But this was something that I thought I wasn’t prepared for.  During one of these moments -as they were mostly moments because I did have joy still- my husband encouraged me.. asking me what people did during winter and proceeded to say they got closer to the fire and people they love. Intimacy became tighter.. 

All I kept thinking about was the fire as I felt that’s what I was in but then the trio of famous guys came to mind and brought new perspective. .

Meshach, Shaderach, and Abendego. 

If anyone knows about fire it’s them.. in Daniel 3 their story of fire came to life for me more than it had before. . .

These guys were in Nebuchadnezzar’s kingdom and this King wanted everyone to worship this false idol he had created, but this trio wasn’t having it. They refused to bow to anything other than God.

When Nebuchadnezzar found this out he summoned for them and made them one last offer while threatening them with the burning furnace should they decline to worship his idol:
If you are ready to fall down and worship the image I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?”

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king.

BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you set up.” Daniel 3: 15-18

Boldly they stood their ground and then made that epic remark “even if he does not.

Even if He doesn’t. 

Their fire they faced was very real and it would cost them their life.. my “fire” I felt was just a season of 3 1/2 months.🙈

They were about to die and still said they chose God regardless if He were to save them or not. Whether He showed up in their now or not. Whether He decided to rescue them from their biggest trial. Whether or not He decided to come reveal His amazing Glory for all the world to see by saving them BEFORE the fire….

He chose to show up IN the fire.

Their story goes on to say that the king ordered the furnace to be turned up 7 times hotter than normal, it was so hot that the soldiers who were called to take the three men and throw them in the furnace were killed from the flames. Meshach, Shaderach, and Abendego were firmly tied up as they fell into the furnace. Meanwhile, Nebuchadnezzar was steadily watching the furnace and suddenly leaped to his feet and asked his council, “Weren’t there three men that were tied up and thrown into the fire?” of course they replied, “yes” and that’s when the king freaked out…

LOOK! I see FOUR men walking around in the fire unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like the son of the gods!

Can you imagine facing death and counting on God to rescue you before you even hit the fire and He doesn’t show up?? There would be room for doubt to creep in and strip you from your faith -but these guys chose to trust God in and out of the rescue and the follow through because to them there was no other option, they loved Him.-

In those first few months, I felt abandoned, alone, uncomfortable, and a thousand other things but in the middle of them I got to switch my perspective and allow myself to feel Abba with me in my fire. To be able to stand up and walk freely in it, unbound by negativity especially doubt, unharmed spiritually or mentally.. but I had constant help.

I couldn’t do it on my own because thoughts and emotions would arise that tried to steal this new found love and trust I had for My heavenly father, and that’s what spiritual winters look like.

They cause you to get closer to the ones and one who loves you and chooses you. To champion you in moments of weakness and to propel you into greater faith.

I could cry just remembering how I felt and how Abba showed up for me when I thought He wasn’t even aware of me. I thought if He showed up before the fire that’s when His glory would be revealed the most…

But IN the fire, and still choosing to be close to Him and with Him?

Regardless if I was experiencing things I didn’t want to, uncomfortable or not.. THAT is the real glory.

To still CHOOSE Him even if He doesn’t pop up like a genie as I thought He should..

God has a whole other view of things, and the way He chooses to reveal Himself are not just a benefit for you.. but for EVERYONE around you..

King Nebuchadnezzar was dumbfounded and excited at the same time when he seen the men walking around in the furnace, he called at once for them to be taken out and when they were He wanted to worship their God.

God showed up at the perfect time. And He ALWAYS does.

If you’re in a trial, having a spiritual winter, feel like giving up, etc..

Shake it off and strengthen your faith Girl! He is a GOOD GOOD Father, remind yourself of all He’s done… the price He paid for your life should already be enough and from that place you get to choose to worship and trust Him EVEN IF HE DOESN’T show up the way you think He should or would.. 😉

Father good goodness you continue to blow me away. The love you have for me will never be understood this side of heaven, because its too vast to comprehend but I thank you for it still. And thank you for being you and doing things the way you do them. Thank you for being in the fire experiencing all this with me. I will continue to choose you even if you don’t because I know you promised to always be with me even if I cannot see. . I love you Abba I pray that every child of yours reading this would be injected with greater faith and stability in their walk with you and revelation of just how much you’re in this life with them.. Thank you again, in Jesus name amen

Loving you ya fierce faith having beauty,
Tanisha Poni 💜

-now my heart is not to impart fear to those of you who have yet to become pregnant this is just my journey and I think it’s a beautiful experience 😉 a supernatural pregnancy doesn’t mean it’s exempt of certain physical aspects it means you could stand upon promises Abba has given and declare and proclaim His goodness over yourself and baby 😁-


This is Love

I realize I haven’t kept up with my consistency in writing, but to be transparent I think I have felt that I said everything I had to say and needed to wait until something else weighed on my heart to write about. I understand we are fountains of wisdom that daily grows, but I didn’t want to just keep writing because I needed to ‘perform.’ Starting this blog, I was more focused on the audience of one instead of the audience of some. And I guess recently it had become more so concerned with the audience of some. Meaning I was more so worried about what you think about me and the words I piece together than what Abba thought about me. I mean the followers had to be fulfilled right? The attention had to be constantly locked or else I would lose my “platform”….

OK so yes.. that was all thrown out my mind’s window before I even began this whole blog site, unfortunatley somewhere it slowly seeped in. BUT performing to keep an audience was never my identity to begin with nor is it something I intend to do. I am going to do us both a favor and write as consistently as I feel led to. Because you dont want a thrown together hamburger helper type of word painting and I dont want to throw words together for you just to check off the task of “writing a blog.” I want this blog to be powerful in a way that provokes you the reader to something greater than where you currently stand, to feel empowered even in tough seasons and to release everything I love about encouraging like the hope, joy, peace and love. So now that I’ve released a mouthful heres my actual post :

For my book lovers, You know when you read a book and finish the last page and your heart just becomes saddened? Because for the last amount of time you took to read it was a wonderful getaway in the lives of the characters you imagined up in your mind and the story was too amazing to even have an end??

That JUST happened to me and it happened in the best way, I felt sad but I was so full of confidence it became bittersweet.

I know you book lovers are dying to know what book I read so before I lose your focus on what this post is about … it’s Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers (you’re welcome😉)
Anyway to give you a summary it’s based on Hosea. To be specific, it completely magnified the first three chapters.

If you havent read the book of Hosea I would, but moving into this the main thing highlighted for me was the relentless love of The Father.

We (believers and those who have yet to) tend to hear that a lot.. “The Love of the Father” “Unfailing love” “Agape love”
etc. We sing songs about it like the infamous “How He Loves”

But, experiencing the awe striking simplicity and yet depth of this Love is beyond what our human minds and hearts can contain. I’m fully aware that even if we receive this Love.. it will never be fully comprehended until we meet Papa in Heaven.

I haven’t cried so hard in my life whilst reading a book. The way it was drawn out just compelled me completely. I shook.

The rawness and intentionality of His love for me became even more real than it was when I first experienced it.

This could be a spoiler for you, but it’ll still be as good when you read it promise:

The story was about a woman who has a past that she thought was too dark and ugly for her to ever even come out of; a prostitute. Her life -as you could imagine how a girl would even become a prostitute- was horrible, hopeless, dry, and without love.

Until, a man came along and persisted on showing her what love was. He came knowing what she did for a living and it didn’t bother him, He still relentlessly pursued her without ever labeling her as a promiscuous woman, jezebel, harlot, whichever. He 100% accepted her and loved her for who she was created to be. For the woman that hid shivering behind all this facade of emotionless flesh.

Just stopping right there is moving enough don’t you think?

Ponder about this for a moment.. what story does it remind you of?

I’ll keep going in case it hasn’t hit you yet.

If that weren’t what every woman wanted already – to be ‘saved’, to have a prince in shiny armor come on horseback to sweep us off our feet with the madness of love he had for us from our wretched lifestyle- He kept doing this. I mean He furiously loved her so much that when she was too uncomfortable with this new lifestyle because it seemed to good to be true and left.. He pursued her more. He fought for her. Literally.

Only to bring her HOME.

He didn’t quiver or give up because she left him, He L O V E D her.

Let’s pause.. and hit something really quick again -since I have before in my posts-

that word has become cliche.. love. People use it so loosely like when I say, “I love french fries.” -I do it too.. but I really do love fries.- honestly its become so normal to say “I love you” or to even say “Jesus loves you” “God loves you”

To a world that’s hungry for love those words have absolutely no meaning anymore.. some just think Jesus was a hippie who loved everyone in the typical human way.. but it was SO much more than that.

Step into the shoes of this prostitute for a moment.. growing up not believing in any positive thing because every negative thing you could imagine happened right before your very eyes fully ripping away any and every ounce of hope in existence. Your whole life was a bad dream, so you finally just accept that this is who you are and who you’ll always be.

Then you hear this hope message about a man who is in love with you. Furiously. He just will not stop pursuing you until you are in His arms for good.

At first of course, your un-renewed mind can’t process this truth. So you shove it all away.

And He still keeps coming.
Again. And again. And again.

Actually proving to you left and right that His love is true.

Because you’re uncomfortable with love you push Him away. Hurting Him by the curses from your very mouth and the lies you’ve been fed your entire life about this love.

STILL. . He waits patiently for you to come. What do you do?

This is the relentless pursuit some of us have had the privilege of experiencing.. the reason why we even believe in this God in the first place. LOVE.

It wasn’t rules that provoked me.
It wasn’t fear of going to hell.
It wasn’t because I desperately needed to believe in something..

I was undeniably provoked/compelled by this Love and I know I have absolutely no 100% clue about its vastness.

Those of you that havent experienced this..
Those of you that refuse to experience this..
Those of you who CURSE people who experience this..
Those of you who believe its all a myth made up to make us feel good inside.


You could push His love away. You could deny His existence. You could curse Him when you feel it’s right because everything is going wrong regardless if you believed in Him to start with -because someone is to blame for your bad season-. You could spit on His very name and choose to keep running away from the one thing every human being on this earth craves.. LOVE.

love you.
I bawled my eyes out because I felt this unction in my heart like I came to the realization that no matter what I did in my past, nor what I would ever do in my future makes a difference on how much I am loved by my creator.

I knew this before.. I felt it before.. It was the very reason why I stand as the woman I am today proclaiming His goodness.. and still it wrecked me all over again. 

I am a living human being.. a small town girl. I have never been in the limelight, my name isn’t in headline news.. I am known by a handful of people.

But this means nothing to Him.. He has always known me. To Him I have been in the limelight of His sight. He has seen me and noticed me my whole life. I wasn’t ever wandering aimlessly trying to make sense of the world without Him there the entire time.

Life isn’t about dying.

It’s never been about making a living.

It’s never been about seeing how many disasters you could survive..

Life isn’t a game show.

You were made for LOVE.

You didn’t come out from this ‘spark’ in the sky.

You weren’t once a tadpole that turned into a monkey..
That turned into a hairless monkey.

You were CREATED. Just as every living thing on this earth was.

that’s the truth.

And no matter how far away you run from it.. It will continue to remain true… The creator of the universe will still be in love with you.

In fact, if you keep running so much you might just run into Him.

I am in no way starting a debate. You can believe what you want to believe about how you came to be.. and whether or not God is real. That’s fine.

But, I know when that day comes when you finally realize this love isn’t a myth.. That your ugliest and darkest parts of your past or even your present didn’t move or shift the way this Love seen you..
when you give up trying to label your own self because of the things you’ve done.. or being set in the way you “are”
When you stand up for yourself and tell the constant lying voice to get lost..

When you decide to open your heart and “just see” what this Love is all about..

That’s the day that will change your life forever.

Until then, this furious, relentless, never ending, faithful, deep, unfailing, enduring, steadfast, unconditional LOVE will be there waiting.

God is love. The only love powerful enough to transform you from the inside out. No other love could compare. 

This song played this morning and it reminded me of the book because it tied in so well..

“Try to stop Your love and You would wage a war,
try to take the very thing You gave Your life for,
You would come running,
Tear down every wall,
all the while shouting,
My love you’re worth it all..

God you pursue me, with power and glory

Love that never ends

You’re unrelenting with passion and mercy
Unstoppable Love that never ends.

You broke into the silence and sang Your song of hope
A melody resounding in the deep of my soul
You have come running
You tore down every wall
all the while You’re shouting
My Love you’re worth it all.

God you pursue me with power and glory
Unstoppable Love that never ends
You’re unrelenting with passion and mercy
Unstoppable Love that never ends

No sin, no shame
No past, no pain
can separate me from your love

no height, no depth
no fear, no debt
can separate me from your love

Unstoppable love – Kim Walker-Smith
Be refreshed in this love my sister.  Remember the first time it completely over took you, when you couldn’t even walk. All there was to do was weep at the revelation of being loved like this.

And my friends that have yet to know a Love like this.. I pray one day you will decide to accept it.

Not all love comes at a price that YOU have to pay.. This Love.. was bought for you already.

Papa, I sit here in awe of your love, it baffles me how much there is to be revealed to us about the vastness of it. I can do nothing but weep with a grateful heart that you chose me before I could ever choose you. I pray that everyone who reads this would come into a deeper revelation of your love. That it would penetrate even the sturdiest of walls encamped around their hearts. I pray Abba that you would become more real to those that don’t even believe you exist even now. And for your daughters who have already been transformed and wrecked by your love.. Get em more Papa. I pray they would be swayed deeper in the waves of your love. Most of all.. help us to love like you. With every new revelation I pray it would compel us to love at a greater capacity than what we did before. Thank you for choosing us and for never giving up, never leaving our side no matter how many times we have turned our back or gave up on you. Unstoppable love.. You are everything, In Jesus name, Amen.

P.s. I realize I have not popped in scripture to back up this truth Lord so please place it on their hearts to seek them out for theirselves 😉 

Loving you beloved, 

Tanisha Poni 💜

Protecting your garden 

Ya know.. If you kept a garden, the flowers and crops would become a wild animal’s gold mine right?

You protected your garden by setting up a fence. Fences don’t allow pesky critters in to ruin what’s valuable to you.

Is this a DIY on how to garden properly? No.
This is about the importance of setting up proper BOUNDARIES in your relationships.
For those who don’t know what boundaries are here’s a definition:
“Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards him or her and how they will respond when someone steps past those limits.” -thanks google
Now that you know what a boundary is, let’s talk about the importance of having them:
A lot of people have a hard time getting the word “NO” out of their mouths. Probably because they fear what the person on the other end of that “No” would think/feel should they receive it.

I understand the whole, “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings” card perfectly..
BUT hurting your own feelings in return just to satisfy someone else is unhealthy. No boundaries.

Saying “No” to someone could be viewed as saying “YES” To yourself. 

What are we doing walking around all day just saying yes or no? 

Uhh.. No.
You don’t have to verbally state the yes or no this is what it could look like:

Say someone calls you -who constantly calls when they’re in a rut- to ask for your advice once again.. has never even used your advice before but they feel better throwing up all over you because you feel “safe”.. What do you do?

No boundary:

You listen to the venting and pour out wisdom for their situation.. Only to see it not be used again.. Causing anger and resentment in giving out more advice. Which obviously robs you of your peace and makes it uneasy to keep your grace and love on for this person.


Letting that person know how you feel about these calls with them. That you care about your relationship and because of that you will not give them advice anymore because it becomes draining for you. In other terms, you’re protecting your connection with them.

Boundaries help you stay connected with someone. If you walk around boundary-less you are teaching people that they could walk all over your life (garden) and take what they please when it’s convenient for them. Causing you to eventually dislike them and not want them around period.

Setting boundaries isn’t SELFISH. A lot of people are afraid it will come off as if they don’t care about the person they’re setting them up with and this is UNTRUE!

You’re being self AWARE. Making sure you’re taking care of you, your alone time, your family, your marriage, etc.

People will respect you more because of your no. (obviously it would be done in love not in a rampage)

Let me tell you a little secret… You’re going to hurt people’s feelings. It’s life. You weren’t made to please everyone remember??? -reference my post “that please isn’t pretty” –
It’s not about everyone else 100% of the time.. Do you ever stop and ponder What YOU want?

Don’t hear what I’m not saying.. I’m not saying, “bah whizzers on everyone in your life just worry about yourself and what you wanna do..don’t help anyone!

I’m saying tell the truth– if you don’t want to don’t say yes!- And remember to have healthy limits in your relationships.

Everyone can’t hold the same place in your life or else it would be one crammed up garden.. There’s certain flowers or plants you can’t put close together because the roots of one plant could destroy the other from growing.


I’m married.. So if I put people in the same close knit area as my husband he would probably feel like he’s just like everyone else with no special category. And I would feel like he’s just being sensitive.. Only because I didn’t set up boundaries to protect our alone time or intimacy therefore robbing me of knowing that and him from the benefits of it.

On date nights, he is the only person I engage with. My phone isn’t constantly out having me converse with other people or going on social media binges.. My boundary on date night is to have no interruptions -unless by some EMERGENCY– I don’t answer texts right away, nor answer the phone should it ring. I have set up a fence around my connection with my husband.

Now if someone said, “hey I really need you right now can I come over your house to talk?” Whilst out on a date night I would let them know they couldn’t.. Because of being on my date night.. But, I would gladly talk to them when it is over. Saying no to them means saying yes to my husband and our connection. In turn showing him he holds a special place on my priority list no matter what else comes up or along the way. And that person knows they’re important to me but, at the moment my husband is most important.
I can feel some of you are gasping lol because you probably haven’t set up boundaries.. Trust me I am not a mean careless person. I just happen to have respect and honor for myself and my valuables. 

-Obviously this doesn’t just apply to marriage but you should catch the drift. –
How do I know if I don’t have healthy boundaries? 

Great question!

One sure way that hints at needing some fencing up is if you find your relationship with one person having the power to effect your relationship with another person: 


If I had a friend who happened to stab me in the back I would be angry, hurt, etc. If I brought that junk into my marriage and took it out on my husband.. THAT would signal not having proper emotional boundaries being set up with that friend. -not saying you can’t cry to your husband.. Lol just saying he isn’t the punching bag of your life’s issues.-

If that same situation happened I would know I had proper boundaries if I simply let my husband know what happened and to pray for me.. I wouldn’t allow it to rob my husband from experiencing me in my joyful, loving ways. -slamming things around the kitchen as you prepare dinner because of the issue with your friend is probably not what your husband wants to come home too.. Especially if he didn’t do anything wrong hah.-

Boundaries let people know what is important to you and what you are allowing them to do.

What you allow will continue to go on. 

If someone constantly steals from your wallet because the first time you said, “oh it’s ok” and the second time you pretended to not notice.. It’s on your hands. Not the thief’s.

Gasp! Tanisha it is their fault they’re the one with the klepto problem!

No sweetheart.. It’s your mistake in not being assertive enough in letting them know what’s in your possession is YOURS and no one else’s. Yea.. Sorry. 🙈

Your life won’t be all rules and regulations with these trust me.. Gardens bloom and prosper greatly to their potential with being protected well. 

Jesus had boundaries. Yes, Jesus.

He only had 12 disciples.. Out of MANY people that followed him.

Out of those 12 He only allowed 3 closest to Him.. Peter, James and John. -Mark 5:35-37 Jesus only allowed these three men with him to raise the dead.

The closest out of the 3 was John. -John 13:23 at the last supper John was at Jesus’ chest. Being the closest to Him.

As you read the gospels you see the other different boundaries Jesus demonstrates even in ministry.
So let’s take it back to you:
What areas or with whom have you not set up boundaries?

Who has access to your innermost treasures that should probably be given the upgrade of being just outside your garden limit? (They can still view the flowers just can’t touch or smell em as strong hah)

Do you find yourself fighting to say ‘no’ but end up saying ‘yes’ ?
Think about it..
If you notice you are in need of a more protected ‘garden’ .. Ya better start mapping out the boundaries girl! Make sure saying yes to someone or something else doesn’t mean saying no to yourself 😊

Papa, thank you for the ability to set up boundaries and limits within our relationships in life. Thank you that we don’t have to over explain ourselves or make excuses to simply decline an offer, invitation or “urgency” I pray the lie of being selfish in this would be cut off. That we would be self aware and taking notice in what we need and making sure we take responsibility with ourselves. Help us to protect our relationships and for those of us who have trouble getting started I pray you would give us words to speak in bringing up new boundaries. Thank you Abba for your love in Jesus name, amen.  

Loving you,

Tanisha Poni 💜
Ps. The people who really want to be in your life will respect your boundaries no matter what 😉

Keep Going

🙈 I’m so sorry! I know it’s been three weeks and a day since I’ve posted. Brazil was more busy than I thought.. and the side effect of jet lag -laziness- got me.. But! I won’t wait till next Monday to share this with you so here’s my trip in a nutshell and the story of a miracle I contended for: 

After 2 plane rides and a bus trip (about 20 hours of travel time) we made it to the city of Santos. 
-I was overly satisfied because the weather was absolutely perfect (I’m not a lover of heat and humidity so I prayed it would be breezy and not as hot 😉) 
We arrived to our house that was complete with our own cook and translator. There was a spiral staircase  leading to three rooms that we made our own majority of the trip. -each room had its own air conditioning and a full bathroom! 
 (I know Americans right? 😄) 
After settling in, we enjoyed lunch with the leaders of the church we partnered with.. And it felt like we’ve known them our whole life! Instant family bonding type of feel. (The relationships we built with them was definitely the best part of it all)
That lunch launched us into our conference we were holding in Santos.. Where we witnessed CRAZY miracles and encounters: 
We seen blind eyes open! 
Deaf ears open! 
Legs shorter than the other grew out to line up with the other! 
Cancerous lumps disappeared! 
Severe pain in backs, knees, shoulders, necks and wrists were healed! 
Even on point prophetic words that were given brought healing! 
The conference was totally insane. One service the Joy of the Lord took over and the whole church broke out in laughter for about 20mins! Just pure laughter.. -Joy is medicine to the soul,(proverbs 17:22) some got healed from just laughing that night! 
One of the nights, I met a woman who had a leg severely shorter than the other; She had to wear a platform on one side and a flat shoe on the other just to match them up! 
I wanted to pray for her because I knew what Papa could do and I’ve seen it done before.. But, never like this. Still, my faith was soaring and I HAD to see this miracle. 
I went up to her and asked her if I could pray; she said yes and I had her sit down on a chair so I could see her legs stretched out. I began to pray with a translator translating for me. After, I asked her if she felt anything going on and she said no, but she felt lots of peace. 
I wasn’t satisfied.. This woman had been walking this way for years and years and I wanted to see it stop! 
So I prayed again.. and again.. and finally I found out SHE DIDNT EVEN HAVE A HIP! 
I was praying for the wrong thing first. So, I called a brand new hip to form and she felt heat in her hip area! We praised God and went for it again.. I told her I wasn’t going to stop praying til I seen this miracle.. 
50 minutes later I found myself on the floor holding her feet in my hands crying out to God for this to take place.. Praying in heavenly language.. I even walked her around commanding that leg to line up.. But, it didn’t. 
I poured out so much in prayer, faith, hope, and love for this. -we were both literally intoxicated in His presence. It was tangibly thick in that place.. I couldn’t stand after- I was so excited to see it happen and it didn’t.. We had to leave because it was late and we were doing service again the next day so we needed to rest. 
She told me before we left that she believed it would happen and knowing she had hope pushed me out the door. In the car ride back to the house I was upset, but I still had tenacity to see this happen and was determined to pray again the next day. 
Tom – a missionary called to Brazil who was our connection to this trip- said, “I had a vision of this healing while you were praying, but it was so good and you were on a roll that I didn’t want to interrupt.. I seen her leg shoot out while she was on her bed sleeping!”  I said amen and held onto that vision. 
The next day I went for it again! Haha 
It was all I thought about.. It fully tugged my heart to see this happen. 
I prayed and prayed.. But that leg didn’t grow out. I told her about the vision Tom had and that I was still standing with her in seeing this come to life. She received and said she believed it would happen too.. We said our good nights and left. 
I prayed for her two more times after that and before I prayed for her the first of these last two times, she said she felt lots of heat in her leg while she was in her bed laying down! We got so excited and praised Papa once again for what He was doing.. But, I left Brazil seeing every other crazy miracle except this one. 
I didn’t understand why- Because, we don’t know absolutely everything-I was sad, but I knew it would happen whether it was in front of me or not. 
Not for a second was I doubting my faith or tenacity to see healing. I didn’t care about the lies that popped up in my head stating things like I wasn’t doing enough, or that there was too much doubt in the room or whatever other dumb thing that came up.. Because I KNEW. 
I knew it’s God’s will to heal
Today, I’ve been back in California for almost a week and I still believe she will receive that miracle. 
Hear what I’m saying: 
Sometimes, we are going to face things like this. We aren’t going to see the instant miracle. We won’t see the fruit of our labor. We won’t witness a tangible ‘souvenir’ if you will of the cry of our heart. 
It’s impossible to pray and have nothing happen.. Yes, I realize it may LOOK like nothing is happening, but we walk by FAITH not by sight. 😉 (2 Corinthians 5:7) 
I know for a moment it’s tough to swallow.. Trust me, I’ve had more than a handful of times this has happened. I have no other choice or desire than to stand on the truth though: 
“… They will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.” (‭Mark‬ ‭16‬:‭18‬ NIV)
The Hebrew word for will means.. WILL.  
It doesn’t mean maybe, sometimes, hopefully, or only if you have enough faith. They WILL get well. 
That’s the truth. That’s a PROMISE. 
I laid my hands on several people to release healing and haven’t seen it with my eyes. But, I know something happened. And if I don’t find out what did til I get to heaven that’s fine. I’m ok with it. I won’t stop praying. 
Don’t stop. 
Keep going for it. 
Contend for the desires of your heart; whether it’s to see a family member come to know Jesus, that miraculous healing you need or someone you love needs.. Whatever it is.. Keep praying. 
Grip your faith. 
Protect your peace. 
Hold onto hope. 
Angels of the Lord hearken after the word of God is released. They take off with lighting speed to make sure something happens when you pray.  (Psalm 103:20) 
Take heart prayer warrior.. Your prayers are heard and motion is taking place. It’s just a matter of time. 😉 
Papa, you are the worthy one. You are everything we have ever needed and will need. Thank you so much for helping us keep our faith and protect our peace in moments where we could think you’re not hearing us or you’re not doing something because your word declares the truth. Thank you for what we do see but I also want to thank you for the unseen.. I know you are good. Thank you.. Thank you, thank you.. Your praise will ever be on our lips. In Jesus name, Amen. 
Loving you, 
Tanisha Poni 💜 

Fight like a girl

It’s so funny how anything that has “like a girl” at the end of it is considered some kind of deficiency.

In elementary school it was like the number one comeback.

But, doing anything “like a girl” in this world full of ignorant perspectives is actually a compliment

When I was younger – ok who am I kidding this still reigns true today- I was all about Disney princesses. I dreamed about what it would be like to be a princess in real life- little did I know I already was one- but, it wasn’t just because of all the fancier things or the love stories.. each one had a moment of courage, breakthrough strength, or stood for what they believed in.

They fought for their happy ending. And they fought like girls.

Ariel stood up for her opposing perspective on what she happened to be passionate about against her own father.

Jasmine put her foot down to laws that stripped a woman of her choice in falling in love.

Mulan became a warrior in an army she wasn’t accepted in, and saved the whole nation of China from being taken over.

Cinderella wouldn’t give up the fact that she deserved better and the simple ability to desire such things.

Belle refused to be conformed to the world around her, regardless if she was being spoken about or accepted.

Pocahontas had no fear towards the unknown when everyone around her did.
I could go on and on, but you get my point.

Happy endings didn’t just spring upon them right after a perfect and untouched life.
Their victory was already in them in the midst of trial. Their very choice in defying the odds manifested that victory.

So what’s the difference between us and a Disney princess?


We ARE princesses, and we FIGHT LIKE GIRLS.

Feels more like a compliment now don’t it?

It’s my desire to see women step into their ultimate level of confidence in just being a woman period. For living in a world where they get ridiculed and belittled by the surrounding naysayers and still walk tall because they know the truth. They know who they are. They know to whom they belong.

At the age of 12, I found myself to be the only girl in a boxing gym. I had a love for boxing because it brought my father and I together to have something to talk about when I was in my teens and I grew such a passion that at the sound of actually doing it made me leap. But it wasn’t easy.

I wasn’t treated any different just because I was a girl, I had to do the same workout the guys did:
Run 3 miles without stopping (or else you got an extra 100 push ups or sit-ups added to the 200 you already had to do of each)
3 Rounds of Jump-rope – 1 round consists of 3 minutes
2 rounds of shadow boxing
1 round per boxing bag (there were four)
200 sit ups
200 push ups and if you were asked, you’d do a few rounds of sparring. ( like a practice fight in the ring with another boxer)

Yea I know..only 12 doing this huge workout.

Some days I felt intimidated by the guys because they would say stuff to me.. you know like, “you fight like a girl” and my response would mostly be, “I am a girl.” -doy. But, in any case they felt they had the upper hand; their muscles were bigger or they punched harder. And sure, that may have been a fact but the truth was, I was strong. If not stronger because of my mindset. -I did have rough days though, sometimes I’d cry because I didn’t want to go to box. I felt alone in a world full of sweaty boys, and I mean that work out is pretty rigorous!-

One day in my age of 14 (I boxed for a total of three years), I was told that I would spar one of the guys that just so happened to have been a friend of mine.. well, before the sparring match. -yes a guy-

I was so nervous, but I got in there and danced around a bit, got in my corner and waited for the bell to go off. -Mind you, this guy had been mouthing off to our friends at school about sparring me and how he was going to knock me out.-

The first round we danced around a bit, and he started throwing out punches and I was doing my best to bob and weave. I got hit a couple times in the body and once in the face (I kept dropping my left hand.)
The timer went off to signal the round was over and I was shocked that he hit me like that. But then this craziness came over me.. I wasn’t going to be afraid of him, I was going to make him afraid of me.

The second round bell went off and I came out like a bullet. I didn’t give no time for dancing around, I started swinging. Probably took him by surprise because he kept backing up when he threw a punch. And all I kept thinking was ‘get him in the corner and light him up’ in moments that’s exactly where he ended up.

I brought out my combination punches, I went for the body first and then the head and I was connecting every single punch! The glorious moment though was my final punch, the uppercut. I prepped that punch with every bit of strength I had left and released; that uppercut hit his chin so perfectly and in adequate force he fell to his knees.

I shocked my own self. haha
I backed up and watched as he tried getting up but, he stood dazed for a bit, so our coach called it quits and that was it. The whole gym looked at me like they hadn’t ever seen me before. -oh you know the dumb remarks about being a girl was thrown out their vocabulary for sure.-

From that day on I was untouchable. I felt this new surge of confidence I hadn’t felt before and it was evident. I was proud to fight like a girl. To fight like me.

Flash forward to the now..

To be completely honest for awhile that epic and pivotal day was just a faint memory. I barely remembered that tenacity of fight within me. Until I was reminded the other day, when I felt like I couldn’t handle any more bad news. But, as I remembered the fight in me it was different this time.

It wasn’t by my own strength that I felt this revive within me it was by His.
And although I was so recharged to come out swinging, I felt like Papa was holding me back-like if I was a little sparky fighter saying, “let me at em!” and then I was provoked to seek this scripture out:

You will NOT have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.” 2 Chronicles 20:17

Sometimes, fighting like a girl means protecting our peace and allowing Papa to keep us safe, and fight for us.The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

If you have felt like its been a never-ending hamster ball of bad news, stress, being overwhelmed, dealing with fear, anxiety, or anything else negative.. it might be time to allow Papa to fight for you.

You’re not losing when you take time to protect your peace or rest in Him. It’s actually your greatest weapon-as I have mentioned before and will continue to cause it’s so good.-

The confidence I have in the truth that I can handle anything because He strengthens me, releases so much rest. I don’t have to prove the fight in me to anyone not even Papa. Neither do you.

Fight like a girl who knows who’s side she fights from.
Fight like a girl who believes no matter what it looks like she already has victory.
Fight like a girl who won’t surrender her peace to any negative lie.
Fight like a girl..like you.💪  You can do this, because He said so.

Take pride in being a girl lovely. It’s a gift. (who wants to pee standing up anyway? 🙈)

Papa, I thank you for protecting us, for fighting for us. For being our savior. I pray that you would revive the confidence within us to fight like a girl. I pray we would walk in your peace and know that you are our strength. Help us to discern which fighting style we are in for our current season Papa. Thank you for loving us, and for being such a great father. I love you, In Jesus name amen.

Loving you,
Tanisha Poni 💜


We might be here a little while so get comfy.. 

Last week, something crazy came over me. . I was angry, but it was a Godly anger. Rightfully so , my beautiful mother started losing her hair due to chemo. 

(Before you think this is a venting moment or a pity party 👉 halt. This is merely build up to the crazy.) 

That was something I definitely didn’t want to happen, but it did.. I knew she was uncomfortable, and upset for having her hair taken away from her in this kind of way. 

I refused to not do something, and in the beginning of all this I told her if she happened to lose her hair, I would shave the side of my head. 

This is where the crazy comes in: 

I told my husband about her losing her hair, and that I wanted to be a woman of my word and shave the side of my head.. He asked if I was sure and after my reply of yes, he said, “ok let’s do it right now then.” 

In my adrenaline rush I was all for it, ready to stand with her even if it was just the side and not my entire head.. But, I didn’t know what I was in for.. 

We measured out the part I wanted to be shaved off, and then the clippers got plugged in. Before he took it straight to my head, he had to buzz off the length of my hair. As I seen my hair fall into the wastebasket it was as if I just seen something die.. My heart was gripped and I felt this rush of emotion. 

I had to put worship music on for the rest of it because I felt without it I would be a mess. -You’re probably laughing or wondering why it’s just a haircut it grows back..etc. well I’m the type of girl who cries after a haircut.. Because I regret cutting my long hair. So SHAVING my hair off was huge to me- 

The sound of the clippers became louder as they grazed my head, more hair dived off.. And tears began to flow. This was purely by choice of course, but for a moment I felt as if my womanhood was being compromised. Thoughts started to roll in: 

What if I hate it? 

What if my husband hates it? 

Will I still be confident with my beauty? 

Will my husband still be attracted to me? 

And in the knick of time I hear these lyrics coming from the worship in the background , “In every season, in every change you are near, in every sorrow, you are my strength you are near, a peace in the storm your voice I will follow, in weakness I rise remembering you hold my world, I’m holding on to hope, I’m holding on to grace,I’m fully letting go, I’m surrendered to your ways, the anchor for my soul, Father you will never change, I love you..” (Anchor- bethel music) 

Instantly the overwhelming “what if” questions and sad emotions were no where to be found. This surge of liberty came over me, along with insane joy. 

I felt untouchable. My Father in Heaven was with me. In that instant moment I had a vision of Jesus laughing, and it hit me.. 

This is not where my identity rests. I’m not my hair length. 

My womanhood isn’t validated by my “lovely locks” nor any other outward adornment. I am a woman because I was born that way. There is nothing that could disqualify me from being a woman nor could anything disqualify me from being beautiful. 

A huge smile took over my face as I seen the word UNTAMED. 

Untamed: not domesticated or otherwise controlled

I felt untamed, no longer confined to the borderlines of what the world calls beautiful. I felt untamed to the facts that men prefer long hair and find it to be more attractive than short hair. I felt untamed to the thoughts that doubted all this. I became FREER in that 10minutes within the beauty regime than I ever had before. It’s crazy what Papa could do in such a short amount of time.. 

Now about you.. This is about you. 

You are a WOMAN. Not because of your hair, curves or no curves, huge lips or thin lips, long lashes or short lashes, your shoe size, number of accessories you obtain, or a certain style of clothes.. You will remain a woman, a BEAUTIFUL woman without all of those. 

Hair has become everything to a woman outside of her face and body. 

Hair care product companies make billions because beautiful, shiny, bouncy and awestriking hair is advertised and worshiped. 

As well as makeup companies, and get thin quick products. 


Because women of this world have been tamed to a certain mold of what beauty is. 

I mean long hair is even mentioned biblically as a need for a woman right? 

1 Corinthians 11 talks about hair and head coverings but I want to highlight verses 14 and 15 “Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him, but if a woman has long hair it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering.” 

Now this seems like it’s completely against my whole blog, but I wanted to cut this open for those of you who feel like this is the opposing argument for this particular topic. 

Whenever we read the bible we need to put into perspective a few things: 

1. We must read the entire chapter not singled out verses because that would make lots of boo boos. The context of the verse is important.

2. What was the culture or customs of Corinth (or whichever place the book was written in) so we know backgrounds to this chapter or book. 

3. What is the author trying to get across and how does it apply today? 

So in doing these things I came to find Paul was drawing on a custom of the church in that day to illustrate that he wasn’t anyone’s covering or spiritual head. He was telling men and women of the Corinth church that they were under submission to Christ. As well as women being submissive to their husbands. He wasn’t establishing a dress code. 

It makes sense as to why we could feel all these emotions about our appearance, especially our attachment to our hair. 

But, like I mentioned earlier a woman’s identity doesn’t rest in such small things! 

I don’t mean to disregard sensitivity to such a subject since I am in the arena of my mother and her process in this, but this is the truth. 

Forget the molds. The airbrushed models. The huge butts and breasts that are plastered all over social media as some shrine of attractive femininity. The hair care product commercials with the overly shiny, long and perfectly intact hair. The makeup advertisements that push covering yourself up with your “perfect matched shade” or the glamorous long eye lashes. 

Be UNTAMED. Go against the grain. 💪

I’m not saying beauty products are terrible, or to go bald, or curse your hairstylist. At all. 

I believe we should be confident in who we are as a woman and whose we are. Naturally. If this season you’re naturally a blonde or brunette, 98lbs or 300lbs, you have long hair or you’re completely bald.. Find a way to be kind to you. Walk out confidence in faith if you have yet to gain it. When you are embracing the natural you and know without these said products how loved and awestriking YOU already are.. It makes it seem like it’s just another game of dress up and no longer cover up. 😉 

You’re already flawless. You’re MORE THAN enough. 

Don’t like your health? Change it. But don’t beat yourself up over it. 

We all have seasons. We all have moments. It’s OK. You’re not alone. 

Remember seasons change 😊 

You’re already perfect to Him.. You don’t have to strive for it. 

Although right now it may seem like Papa’s approval of you or how He sees you isn’t enough.. Continue to get closer to Him darling and soon it’ll be beyond enough. 

Papa, I am so proud that we are women in your kingdom. The final bow on top of your gift of creation, thank you that our identity rests in you. That we can be untamed and liberated in such a world that worships what they label as perfection in a woman. We’re no longer a slave to this regime. We are fierce, captivating, and victorious daughters of God. May our minds be renewed in this area Papa, and the confidence spill out everywhere we go. Even in our morning trip to the bathroom as the mirror stands there to point out our bed head and morning face, let that confidence start there. ☺️ thank you for seeing us as flawless women, for calling us to higher perspectives and places with you. You truly are the anchor of our soul, I love you. In Jesus name, amen. 

Loving you untamed gems, 

Tanisha Poni 💜 

Ps. Thank you to those who have mentioned they’re praying for my mother I appreciate your prayers! We will get through this season and she will be even more radiant than she already is. 😊💜

Be still

Ya know, it’s kinda funny how most of us can’t wait to rest and relax on the weekends from our jobs or just busy weeks.. 

And then when opportunities rise up -unexpectedly- that would cause us to rest, we get into fight mode and want to get out of that particular “resting spot.” (Such as being sick, fired or laid off from a job, etc.) 

Our first reaction is usually to combat the issue.. Because I mean we are fierce warriors, just look at us. “woah-man” is how you say woman. 😉 

We don’t want to stay sick, jobless, or whatever the case may be we have to be on the go, on the move, fill our schedules up with productivity and all that good stuff.  


We don’t know how to BE STILL

As women, somehow the fight to become relevant -that our fellow women in history partook in- rolled over into our present. There’s this stigma if you will, that if we stop moving as women we will regress. We will be looked upon as weak and every other negative adjective. 

BUT!  We are relevant.. And we will stay relevant. Because we were created to stand out. 

Even if you are doing nothing productive, not filling up your schedule, not fighting against whatever battle it is that has come up… You are STILL relevant.. Especially to Papa. 😊 

In the word it says: 

“The Lord will fight for you, you need only to BE STILL.” Exodus 14:14 

BE STILL, and know that I am God..” Psalm 46:10 

BE STILL before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..”  Psalm 37:7 

Be still, be still, be still. 

There’s times to fight yes, but then there’s times to rest in knowing He fights for you, that HE is God and He is good. 

Just take a moment even now to be

Tarry in His presence, sit silently with your eyes closed, “ANNNND breatheee, just breathe..” 🎶 😄 -but seriously- 

No more striving to hold on, have it all together, make sure each hour is taken up properly… Scratch the to-do list and put on there 👉 BE STILL

Sometimes we get too carried away, with our daily routines and our overwhelming seasons that we forget we have Jesus.. 

It’s fairly easy to get caught up in a Martha mode with all the things that “have” to be done and by pass the Mary option which happened to be what captivated Jesus most. Jesus said Mary chose what is “BETTER” (Luke 10:38-42) 

I know it may be hard to shift gears.. – I never did learn how to drive manually- but if you apply consistency it’ll get easier. ☺️ 

Be still princess, there’s more than enough time to be a warrior and seize the seasons ahead.. But remember, a warrior’s most effective weapon is her ability to be still, rest. 

“Then I hear you say to me.. 

you, don’t have to do a thing, 

just simply be with me and let those things go, 

they can wait another minute, 


this moment is too sweet, 

please stay here with me, and love on me a little longer.. 

Cause I’m in love with you.” 

(A little longer-Jenn Johnson) 

Papa, in moments of extreme business, chaos, struggle, battle or whichever please help us to be still. To desire to sit at your feet and pour out our love on you. To let go and be filled up with your refreshing reassurance in just how valuable, relevant, and worthy we are as your daughters. I pray we would cling to you more than our organized life, more than the feeling of doubt that things won’t work out, and more than the confidence in our next breath..for without you we could do nothing. Thank you for being our place of refuge, safety, and comfort in the tough crazy times. For loving us.. And for your son in whose name I pray, amen. 

Loving you, 

Tanisha Poni 💜