I just celebrated my first year anniversary with my husband yesterday (thank you, thank you😊) and during the celebration this blog topic hit me.
I was happy before I got married.
I had already been living in my fairytale before my vow exchange..
You see, before I said “Yes” to Joe (my husband), I said “Yes” to Jesus first. Yes to His unearned gift of LIFE and Yes ultimately to His love.
I never knew Joy, love, hope, peace, courage, strength, humility, confidence, romance, purpose, patience, etc.. Until Jesus.
Trust me ladies I’m not being “Corny Christian” this is the absolute truth in the best way I could describe it..
When you meet someone, initially your reaction is to get to know them right? Right. And then having gotten to know them you desire time, and more time. So you two spend time together. During that time you grow closer in intimacy-heart wise-and then a vulnerable moment arises.. An area he wasn’t allowed to see before but because of growing trust you gave him access.. And it only strengthened your relationship because he has now seen deeper into you. He then reveals a part of himself that you’ve never experienced and it’s so good that you realize you’re in love with him. Love. You’re discovering the ins and outs of one another and finally you decide to surrender your heart to him. Fully committing yourself to a lifetime of faithful, never shaken love. ::Cues bridal entrance music::
That’s EXACTLY how it went with Jesus.
I spent time with Him. Grew closer to Him. Got vulnerable with Him. Found myself in love with Him. Then made the commitment to never look back. To never leave Him. My whole heart was and still is His.
He presented creation around me in ways I never seen before like the butterfly kisses I blogged about previously.. This love story-Jesus loving me-was my fairytale. A TRUE fairytale.
Some of you may be uncomfortable reading this. Some may feel like I am being the corny Christian but that’s just something you’re going to have to get over because this is REAL LOVE.
LOVE always had a face before your “first love” in school, (or wherever you met him..) Before he was even born or thought of, Love had Jesus’ face. And He ALWAYS loved you.
Everything you’ve ever dreamed up in romance was first dreamed up by Him. (Yes.. Even that.)
I grabbed ahold of all this in my single season and held on tight to it. I dove deep. My single season wasn’t dreadful. It was amazing. Because of this, I allowed a LOT of growth to occur then; which has truly done wonders for my marriage. Had this not happened, I’m sure we would be working on a lot more independent issues than being able to focus on US as one.
So yes your “HAPPILY EVER..” starts now. If your mindset isn’t there, do everything you can to get it going. To be able to live happily ever before AND after is a definite blessing.
I’m going to give you a list of things I did in my single season to help jump start you in how to go about it:
– I stayed away from romance movies. (You groan now but trust me it helps protect your mind from building up fantasies or expectations that are just not reality. Plus it only came with a stronger lonely feeling than it would without watching these. I LOVE love and romance so it was definitely something I had to grow strength in but it paid off.)
– I also protected my ears from what songs I was listening to. (Ok I realize this is starting to look like a bunch of “don’ts” but I’ll get to the “do’s” after.- love songs also build up fantasies.. I mean come on falling in love at a coffee shop?? Sure it’s dreamy but unless your life is really REALLY out there it just doesn’t happen. I wasn’t a stickler about this I would know what I could handle and what I couldn’t and I would switch the song if I started to feel anything outside of secure in my singleness.-I really did like that song though hah-)
– I put my phone away.. Deleted numbers that could be tempting. (Girl, you know you can’t use the excuse of, “I just don’t like unknown numbers and need to know who’s calling or texting so I can know what to answer or not..” URT! If you don’t like unknown numbers that’s even better! You won’t answer it anyway. Old flings or boyfriends creepin up even old thoughts of “good” moments can puppet your thumbs into sending the text or call that could be destructive. The mess is too messy to chance it. Trust me again.)
– I filled my spirit up with romance from The Word. (Here comes the “do’s.. Read Song of Solomon- all of it- and have fun dissecting it. I’m sure it’ll last as long as your single season because I’m still dissecting it in my marriage haha! But it truly helped me when I needed to be reassured in my beauty or felt the need for attention.. And this is the reassurance/attention that has no repercussion-it’s perfect.)
– I got my alone time in with Papa. (Enough said. Get with Him, the encounters you have are gold alone. The visions you see, the words of affirmation you hear.. Goodness it’s that good GOOD. Most definitely.)
– I made sure my self talk was healthy and encouraging. (There’s power in a woman who radiates confidence and loves herself as she is. Obviously, as women it’s hard to get to a place such as this with the media all around; so I also didn’t look at magazines or was quick to look the other way with posters of altered beauty,etc-I still do this- but building consistency and faith in it gets you far.)
– I started discovering ME. My likes, dislikes, things that made me come alive, passions, desires, dreams, wants..etc. (ladies…let’s be honest, men don’t know what women want because majority of the time WE don’t even know what we want! Hah. If we spent time discovering it instead of expecting a man to we would all be happier 😄)
– I held onto my hope but I didn’t keep this particular hope my main screen. (Hope is GREAT to have. It’s powerful. But to constantly have the hope of having a significant other or a husband in my view, would’ve ruined my season so much so that I would’ve been paying more attention to the thoughts that hope now came with, and lost sight of building my NOW happily ever. Focusing on the “future hope” more than your “now hope” can be fatal-might cause you to have a desire to skip seasons- Have hope, just don’t let it become your main focus now.)
Phew! That was a mouthful wasn’t it?! Ok now that I can breathe again, I hope these helped you and encouraged you instead of provoking more groans. I honestly did all these. Some I still do in my marriage, but it so helped my perspective and joy in being single.
There were other things I did or didn’t do, but I think it was molded to myself personally.. So ask Papa for help in what to do or not do. The best thing you can be is willing, (only to Jesus in this time hah) to get rid of what you should get rid of to propel you into the woman you WANT to be before marriage, before a man period. Because last time I checked, God and God alone validated my greatness, my beauty, my success, etc. My husband would be a hot mess if I expected him to do that for me. It just isn’t his job.
Ok let’s pray,
Papa, thank you thank you thank you for single seasons. Thank you for every treasure and promise that is to be found along the process of it and for being who these beauties need you to be in this time. I pray that they would be sparked with joy even now, that their perspectives would shift, so their realities can be enjoyable now. I pray they would protect their hearts, eyes, ears and minds. Thank you for loving us more than we will ever be able to comprehend this side of heaven. I also pray you would sway with them in the best dance of their life right now. So they know how to dance in their future marriages. 😉 you’re such a great Papa, thank you. In Jesus name, amen.
I believe in you. I know it’s possible. So get excited! Happily ever before starts today 😊
* if you have any questions concerning this or you want to know more feel free to email them to me and I will most definitely respond! 👉 firstname.lastname@example.org *
Tanisha Poni 💜