Tag Archives: trust

Even if He doesn’t 

It’s been months I know and I have got on my own case about writing but my life has been a roller coaster since August…
On July 28th I found out one of the most life changing truths I could come upon… Seeing a positive sign on a pregnancy test.

I thought my heart fell out my butt as I instantly felt this shock wave come over me. For a moment, all I could do was study this little stick in all angles to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, but yep this was real life. I’m pregnant. Life was beginning to form within my womb…


The night before I went to the bathroom and noticed some spotting.. just when I thought my monthly cycle was upon me I heard the Lord say,

You’re pregnant.

To make sure I wasn’t just thinking I heard that, I checked my cycle calendar (highly suggest getting an app that helps you do this it does wonders for preparation in traveling and things) and sure enough I wasn’t supposed to start till three days later..

and then I heard Him say it again.. “You’re pregnant.”

those words continued to ring in my spirit the whole night.. until the morning when I was able to take a physical test.

When I found out for sure I prayed with my best friend whom came over to be with me to take this test so I wouldn’t freak out alone ha. -I wanted to surprise my husband with one of those cute pregnancy reveals pinterest had to offer.. that’s why he wasn’t the one with me-

I had read a book that had my confidence in being pregnant solid. I wasn’t so much afraid of what would go on inside me and even thinking about labor or delivery. I was more nervous about the idea that I was going to be a mom..

To be more vulnerable.. I probably have the least amount of patience with kids. I mean they’re adorable, and full of life and joy etc. But when they’re screaming about wanting a toy in the store, start babbling super loud in church service, get attitude when they’re still below 3ft…. they just don’t have that grace from me… cause I’ll get some ‘tude right back! 😂

it sounds terrible I know, but they just get on a girl’s nerves. phew I said it, I feel better.

There are two handfuls of kids that I have no problem with as they have supernaturally entered my grace for children zone-it is a small one- but other than that I just don’t volunteer for children activities to save your kids and myself 😅

But here I am about to become a mother myself in 4 months!  -currently I am 5 1/2 months-

All these things went through my mind.. and then the first trimester surprises hit.. the nauseous feeling when it came to foods, or any smell that I just couldn’t take… which brought not eating much, going through my first migraine -lasted four hours I wanted to pistol whip that migraine- and other uncomfortable physical, mental and emotional symptoms.

When I found out I was growing a human I was thinking I wouldn’t get hit with these at all, as I believed in this being a supernatural pregnancy and thinking such, to me it meant skating free from icky symptoms..

Well I didn’t skate free ha. I didn’t skate at all I felt like I had been completely muted to God for a moment.. Pain would come before this pregnancy or sickness and all I would have to do was command it to go in the name of Jesus and it went. No problem. But this time my prayers didn’t seem to do that instantaneous miracle. And going through the pain seemed like I was doing something wrong.

But I wasn’t.

I felt things I’ve never felt before during those first 3 months.. I even wanted to quit several times.. the stretching was too much for me to handle.

It was still summer, but to me I was experiencing a spiritual winter.. and I LOVE winter! But this was something that I thought I wasn’t prepared for.  During one of these moments -as they were mostly moments because I did have joy still- my husband encouraged me.. asking me what people did during winter and proceeded to say they got closer to the fire and people they love. Intimacy became tighter.. 

All I kept thinking about was the fire as I felt that’s what I was in but then the trio of famous guys came to mind and brought new perspective. .

Meshach, Shaderach, and Abendego. 

If anyone knows about fire it’s them.. in Daniel 3 their story of fire came to life for me more than it had before. . .

These guys were in Nebuchadnezzar’s kingdom and this King wanted everyone to worship this false idol he had created, but this trio wasn’t having it. They refused to bow to anything other than God.

When Nebuchadnezzar found this out he summoned for them and made them one last offer while threatening them with the burning furnace should they decline to worship his idol:
If you are ready to fall down and worship the image I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?”

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king.

BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you set up.” Daniel 3: 15-18

Boldly they stood their ground and then made that epic remark “even if he does not.

Even if He doesn’t. 

Their fire they faced was very real and it would cost them their life.. my “fire” I felt was just a season of 3 1/2 months.🙈

They were about to die and still said they chose God regardless if He were to save them or not. Whether He showed up in their now or not. Whether He decided to rescue them from their biggest trial. Whether or not He decided to come reveal His amazing Glory for all the world to see by saving them BEFORE the fire….

He chose to show up IN the fire.

Their story goes on to say that the king ordered the furnace to be turned up 7 times hotter than normal, it was so hot that the soldiers who were called to take the three men and throw them in the furnace were killed from the flames. Meshach, Shaderach, and Abendego were firmly tied up as they fell into the furnace. Meanwhile, Nebuchadnezzar was steadily watching the furnace and suddenly leaped to his feet and asked his council, “Weren’t there three men that were tied up and thrown into the fire?” of course they replied, “yes” and that’s when the king freaked out…

LOOK! I see FOUR men walking around in the fire unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like the son of the gods!

Can you imagine facing death and counting on God to rescue you before you even hit the fire and He doesn’t show up?? There would be room for doubt to creep in and strip you from your faith -but these guys chose to trust God in and out of the rescue and the follow through because to them there was no other option, they loved Him.-

In those first few months, I felt abandoned, alone, uncomfortable, and a thousand other things but in the middle of them I got to switch my perspective and allow myself to feel Abba with me in my fire. To be able to stand up and walk freely in it, unbound by negativity especially doubt, unharmed spiritually or mentally.. but I had constant help.

I couldn’t do it on my own because thoughts and emotions would arise that tried to steal this new found love and trust I had for My heavenly father, and that’s what spiritual winters look like.

They cause you to get closer to the ones and one who loves you and chooses you. To champion you in moments of weakness and to propel you into greater faith.

I could cry just remembering how I felt and how Abba showed up for me when I thought He wasn’t even aware of me. I thought if He showed up before the fire that’s when His glory would be revealed the most…

But IN the fire, and still choosing to be close to Him and with Him?

Regardless if I was experiencing things I didn’t want to, uncomfortable or not.. THAT is the real glory.

To still CHOOSE Him even if He doesn’t pop up like a genie as I thought He should..

God has a whole other view of things, and the way He chooses to reveal Himself are not just a benefit for you.. but for EVERYONE around you..

King Nebuchadnezzar was dumbfounded and excited at the same time when he seen the men walking around in the furnace, he called at once for them to be taken out and when they were He wanted to worship their God.

God showed up at the perfect time. And He ALWAYS does.

If you’re in a trial, having a spiritual winter, feel like giving up, etc..

Shake it off and strengthen your faith Girl! He is a GOOD GOOD Father, remind yourself of all He’s done… the price He paid for your life should already be enough and from that place you get to choose to worship and trust Him EVEN IF HE DOESN’T show up the way you think He should or would.. 😉

Father good goodness you continue to blow me away. The love you have for me will never be understood this side of heaven, because its too vast to comprehend but I thank you for it still. And thank you for being you and doing things the way you do them. Thank you for being in the fire experiencing all this with me. I will continue to choose you even if you don’t because I know you promised to always be with me even if I cannot see. . I love you Abba I pray that every child of yours reading this would be injected with greater faith and stability in their walk with you and revelation of just how much you’re in this life with them.. Thank you again, in Jesus name amen

Loving you ya fierce faith having beauty,
Tanisha Poni 💜

-now my heart is not to impart fear to those of you who have yet to become pregnant this is just my journey and I think it’s a beautiful experience 😉 a supernatural pregnancy doesn’t mean it’s exempt of certain physical aspects it means you could stand upon promises Abba has given and declare and proclaim His goodness over yourself and baby 😁-


Love me, love me

Love. Happens to be the word of the month right? Isn’t it crazy though, that love usually describes a majority of things like French fries, family members, friends, our children, husbands, but rarely when love is thought about is it your own face that pops up.

We were brought up in a world that if we thought about ourselves we were considered selfish and then it would be proved in the word-bible- that self love is evil. Obviously, if you’re all about yourself and could care less about anyone else around you that’s ugly.. But, loving yourself and thinking of yourself is not evil. Or selfish.

Let’s get into this then:

Do you like yourself?
Do you love yourself?

Did you know that if you answered, “no” or “not fully” to either question it could be the root to many other problems or issues you may be facing?

Because if it isn’t rooted in love… It’s rooted in the opposite. Which is always related to fear.

Mark 12:31 gives us the second greatest commandment from Jesus himself, “love your neighbor as yourself.

This is the only place in scripture that is the closest to saying, “love yourself” and notice he didn’t even make it as a prerequisite to loving others or say these were the three greatest commandments.. He said first, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength.

If we truly loved God in that way I think He believed we would be able to reflect the love He has given us and be able to love ourselves well and then in turn love our neighbors as ourselves.

I honestly don’t feel we do though. Sure we love ourselves, but it’s conditional. No mercy, grace, forgiveness, and then we end up loving people around us with this same love. When it should be at a standard that Papa loves from.

If you don’t have love how can you give it? If it’s to a certain measure it’s given at a certain measure even if you’re thinking you love greatly and you probably do, but it can be greater still.

So what is loving yourself? ask yourself to answer this from your actual reality, don’t sugar coat it with all the right things to say if that’s not how you truly feel, get vulnerable.. Just because you may know the truth doesn’t mean it has become your reality yet.

(Each one of us has a different definition of what this may look like because we are all DIFFERENT. So if you find your definition looking outcast don’t freak out.. It’s actually good to figure out what you believe and why instead of jumping on bandwagon beliefs and really have no backing to the why. Understand? 😊)

To me, it’s being thankful and appreciative of who you are, how you look and who He’s created you to be. As well as, making sure you’re taking care of you in every area.

You see love requires action here, it’s not some thing you’re trying to get. It’s an action expressed to others through your living.

Ok you’ve answered what your definition to what loving yourself is, now I want to ask:

HOW do you love yourself? What’s the normal action taken behind your definition?

I’ve taken the liberty to write down a list of a general “how to” but still yours could be more personalized according to you.. This is just a basic skeleton of how to love yourself:

* Make sure you have a solid connection with your source of love Papa..

– You were made by love, from love and for love. Spending time with Him helps you connect more to yourself because in those time He usually reveals something He loves about you and how could you not end up loving the same thing in response? The more you draw closer to Him the more transformation happens to take place (within the areas that are hard for you to accept and love about yourself)

* Take care of your body, your finances, your personal space and your time.

– eating right and exercising alone will make you love yourself because of the crazy effect eating healthy has- try it, eat something not so healthy and watch how you feel afterwards, mostly you’ll feel like a slob and contemplate if you’re good enough for whatever reason. Then try eating something fresh and healthy and afterwards you feel energized, happy and confident, it’s true.- feed yourself well.

-getting the right amount of sleep and the endorphins that get released from working out. Are equally important having same effects as good on you.

– financially stable people tend to love themselves more because they feel less stressed and pressured with bills and other financial responsibilities. I know we happen to love shopping, but let’s not allow that label of taking all of daddy’s money or our spouses to hinder our financial breakthrough or freedom in being responsible stewards with our money.

– taking care of your personal space and time is vital. If you tend to run late or are disorganized in your time you relay this sense that you aren’t worthy enough to be taken care of in these areas. When you respect your time and other people’s time and space you show yourself worthiness.

* get around loving people.

– people who will not only champion you in loving yourself but love themselves and you makes the love in the atmosphere sticky.. And it will end up all over you. Which may cause a shift in perspective of yourself.

* Do what you love.

-work takes up a big part of your day. Sometimes it may be working with others or it may be just a small office alone.. Or working from home as a housewife, babysitter or mother. If you are not loving what you constantly have in your daily routine you will have a dreadful feeling. Doing what you love or finding a way to love what you are currently maybe seasonally doing will prove yourself worthy and feeling loved once again.

* create a balance in your schedule.

-it can’t be all work and no play or all play and no work.
Which stinks cause we’d like to play all day for money but that’s not how it works ha. Even in busy schedules make time for YOU. And the things you want to pursue.

You have to take the lead in loving yourself aside from Papa. If you expect others to make you feel loved while you’re abandoning your own self.. It’ll never be enough.. Even Papa’s love. Yes that’s true. If you can’t love yourself in some level it will be harder to receive the Father’s love.

Learning to take responsibility in loving yourself, fills you up with the capacity to receive His love and in turn give it away.

A couple scriptures about how Papa loves us and sees us:

You’re the apple of his eye. Psalm 17:8 when he looks at you.. You’re all He sees.

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” Song of Solomon‬ ‭4‬:‭7‬ (my all time favorite scripture) I would sit there in my moments of not being comfortable enough with loving myself and would repeat this scripture over and over and by just the third or fifth time I was in tears because it became more real to me how much papa thought I was flawless. And how much He loved me.

Suggestion: Read all of Song of Solomon. Study it because it does have interesting comparisons but, it’s insanely romantic and so beautifully written. It makes me cry because that’s how much He loves us and sees us.

To Him.. We are perfect.

I want to take a moment right now to allow some breakthrough to take place..

I want you to write down what you’re uncomfortable loving about yourself, whether it be physical, a characteristic or ANYTHING dealing with you. Write it down. Don’t be “christianically” correct either, if it’s there write it down.

Don’t move on in reading this until you’ve done so…

**breakthrough intermission**

When you’re finished read it.

Not one of you has an empty paper.. There are realities written on those pages.. Even if it’s the smallest thing.

Now, I want you to begin to pray for your ears, eyes, hearts and minds to be attentive to what Abba is saying.. And ask Him what His response is to this list of things or the one thing. Be patient, quiet your mind and listen. Begin to write His response to you on the same piece of paper.. And when you’re done save it. Re-read it. As many times as you have moments where it is a needed reminder.

We are all still growing daily. No one said we had to have it all together now. If anyone tells you they do, I’d be careful in trusting them ha. But honestly, we are well on our way. Pursue what it looks like to love you. 😊

Papa, thank you for love. For being love. You’re the greatest love we could’ve ever encountered. I pray we would come into a greater understanding and knowing about how to love ourselves to better be able to receive the love you have for us and to be able to give that love away. May your voice be the loudest one we hear. The voice of truth.. You are it all. Without you love doesn’t exist. Thank you Abba for you. In Jesus name, amen.

Loving you,
Tanisha Poni 💜

Don’t speak

2014 is almost over.. Crazy!

I’ve been reflecting (I know it sounds cliché this time of year but I really have ha) looking at old photos and remembering everything I did this year.

I traveled: honeymoon in Hawaii, 2nd honeymoon in Disneyland, mission trip to Barcelona, vacation from mission trip to Disneyland. (Yes, I love Disneyland)

I endured: losing my job, first year of marriage (transitions can be tough at times), first time leading a team in Spain, staying without a job and learning to be ok in the season Papa had me in.

I seen a dream come to life: this ministry and blog 👉 S.H.E (has been on the dream list since I was 18)

I had FUN: growing, learning, adjusting, adventuring, &

Sorry for giving you a run down on my year, I just wanted to get your desire stirring to think back on yours.

Certainly I went through some tough times, but I choose to remember the GOOD that came out of them. 😉

Ok now that you’re finished reflecting, lets graze the arrival of 2015..

It’s 3 days away! 😱

We see all these “new year, new me” memes and the “resolution list” posts , etc, etc.
All surrounding the common factor 👉 transformation.

That’s a great thing to desire of course but with action behind it.

Every year it comes up… And then sadly, every new year it fades.

The dreams we dream up, the list of things we want to do, the number of pounds we want to lose, the characteristic we want to start walking out..

It all sounds good right? We get it out of our mind and release it with our mouth and think.. “Yes!

And slowly but surely MAJORITY of us lose the echo of our spoken word and ultimately motivation to see these declarations come to life.

So let’s stop SPEAKING about it.

Let’s LIVE.

As women we have the supernatural ability to talk anyone’s ear off. A percentage of the time we are repeating ourselves, but the huge chunk is us just having lots of things to say. (😄)

So for us it’s easy to speak such beautifully-wrapped with intention-words. But let’s be quiet for once about all that in 2015 and let’s shock the world by action.

Let’s take the plunge into the highlighted dream for this upcoming year and make time to hear the plan for it to awaken!

Let’s just get healthy without having to tell the world that we are doing so.

Let’s embrace growing. Letting go of the thought of losing ourselves and get excited about the truth in actually discovering ourselves.

Let’s cross those things off our “2015 things to do” list in documentation making the world excited to see what’s next.

Isn’t that surge of energy that provokes action brewing now?!

Heroines we are capable. We were wonderfully created. We scare the naysayers more than they intimidate us. We were born for this. We were hand chosen to live in these times. So let’s LIVE THE GREATNESS OUT OF IT!

Don’t speak. Do.
S H I N E.

Be a living declaration of what you want your 2015 to look like. 💪

Papa, I thank you for being with us in our 2014. For being faithful, for loving us through the hard times, the stretching points and the amazing ones. As this new year approaches I pray we wouldn’t be inwardly consumed with working on ourselves, but consumed with you and the plans you have for us. I pray we would gain all the transformation you laid out for us to receive in 2015. I just thank you for choosing us for such a time as this, to be a representative of your kingdom, your name, and your son. This year we will go for it. This year we will put hands and feet to our declarations and bring even more glory to you Papa. You’re so worthy of our lives. Help us remember why we get up in the morning and whisper our assignments for the day. 2015 will be the year our words become life. Thank you papa! In Jesus name, amen.

Happy early new year beautiful, it’s going to be JAW DROPPING!

Loving you,
Tanisha Poni 💜

Comfort shmomfort

Comfort zones are comfortable. I know, it’s super profound right?

Why do we like them? Oh, cause they’re comfy. Most of the time, we women prefer the comfier things in life…such as: the type of mattress we sleep in, comfort foods (mmmm😋), our desire to not wear the heinous bra (but because of not wanting to let it all hangout we keep it on for the majority of our day🙈), or simply the love of lounge around clothes because in reality, being all dolled up hurts sometimes.

We are ABOUT that comfortable life.

But, a life lived comfortably, is no life at all. (I’m not sure if I just made that quote up myself or if I read it somewhere..hmm oh well, it’s good!😄)

The zone full of cushion, safety nets, and all the other reinforcements is of course unexposed to danger. Ultimately making life a piece of cake.

Where’s the risk? Where’s the FAITH? The trust we so claim to have in our Creator to be everything He said He’d be for us? It’s not there as long as comfort is.

Comfort is fear’s offspring.

The reason we stay there is because we are afraid to become “unprotected”, afraid to fall, afraid to get more responsibility (let’s keep it real), afraid the outside is really every bad scenario we have thought up, etc.

As women we tend to want the guarantee. Of course we want to “fly free”, but with the guarantee that we will actually stay in the air.

Well ladies, I have GREAT news for you… There IS a guarantee that should you decide to break out of that comfort zone… You will NOT die, but LIVE. You will NOT fall, you will RISE. You will NOT fail, you will PROSPER!

You: “No way?!”
Me: “WAY.” 👇

Psalm 118:17, “I will not die but live, and proclaim what The Lord has done.”

Psalm 37:24, “Though (s)he may stumble, (s)he will not fall, for The Lord upholds (her) with His hand.”

Psalm 46:5, “God is within HER, she will NOT fall.

Three outstanding Psalms that straight up destroy comfort zones. You’re welcome. 😉

You have the guarantee beautiful, so get rid of your parachute…keep your eyes open… Get that running start and SOAR off that ugly cliff of comfortsville and see what living really feels like.

Whatever you just got provoked to jump into -I’m praying it’s something along the lines of: truly trusting Papa, or risking it all to experience everything you’ve wanted to experience with Him by saying “YES” to Him…and not diving into a relationship lol this ain’t about no boys! 🙅- be all in. No plan B.

Heroines don’t react to the subtle, sweet, yet deceitful sounds of comfort.. They respond to the roar within them, “FLY!”

It’s your turn Ms. Brave… Live out your name. 💪

Papa, I pray every comfort zone gets demolished right now in the name of Jesus! That your peace would overtake the negative “what if” thoughts and your love would drive out fear. I pray the gold found in the psalm scriptures would shine bright in our spiritual vision so much so that it excites our natural one. Living with no plan b because we know you, is the best life ever. In the times of transition or trial in which comfort advertises itself as “fulfilling”, let your word and these ring aloud to remind us you have it all, beginning and end in your hand. You’re the greatest Papa, thank you for all you are for us, with us, and in us. In Jesus name, Amen.

Loving you,

Tanisha Poni 💜

Promises, Promises

We’ve all had a promise revealed to us sometime or another. Whether it was by reading scripture, relayed to us through a prophetic word or directly from Papa in our quiet times with Him.

When we initially received this promise, it came perfectly wrapped and looked amazing right? We got all excited as if it were about to unwrap before our very eyes within the next 24 hrs.. And then, because it didn’t we held on tight to the fact that maybe these things take a little longer. So we give the promise a more realistic time to unveil… Then that MONTH goes by and still nothing… We try to have faith that it’ll happen eventually and then without even noticing we forget all about it.

You know its funny because when we were little girls and someone in the natural promised us something, we never let them forget it, until we seen that promise fulfilled. I mean hey..we wanted that bike with the basket, handle ribbons, and don’t forget that bell!

We remembered every detail of that promise, and because our hearts were so steadfast in trust to whomever promised our desires to us, we remained faithful in that trust. We had no idea what fear of being let down or hurt was. All we knew was our desire and the freshness of that promise because we kept thinking about it or asking about it.. “Daddy, remember you promised you were going to buy me a bike?”

Unfortunately today, the fear of being let down or getting our expectations to high only to be disappointed has held us back from tenaciously trusting our Heavenly Father at His word. We don’t want to ask Him about it, or declare them out. Because of that “What if, it just wasn’t for me..” or “That person was off on their prophecy..” skepticism.

Oh but what if they were right! And that promise IS for you because every single one in that Bible of yours is!

Speaking of bibles, this scripture has been fluttering around in my spirit for the past month and it just releases so much peace..

Luke 1:45 reads, “BLESSED is she who BELIEVED He would fulfill His promises to her.”

Blessed is SHE.

The word blessed in this context means to be provided with divine favor and protection!

Believe means to believe relentlessly, without needing a sign or an extra confirmation other than taking Papa at His word knowing He is a God of His word.

So, In order to be BLESSED in our promises we have to BELIEVE.


My fellow beautiful ones, this is crucial. To have disappointment or hurt fall away..to be untouchable. It’s time we tell disappointment and all that junk to beat it!

If you remember anything remember the next 3 keys to this..(oh and the scripture.. write that down!)

3 keys to be protected from disappointment/hurt from “unfulfilled” promises:

1. B E L I E V E Him. If you feel Papa specifically promised you something believe Him for it.. don’t give Him time frame ultimatums.. just believe.

2. WRITE out your promises! Document them all, so you have them in front of you during your quiet times with Him and thank Him for them! They should be posted up on your wall more so than that swim suit model is for physical motivation.. have yourself some spiritual motivation girl!

3. DECLARE them out. Declarations are huge. Words create worlds, (Proverbs 18:21) Speak life over your promises instead of death.

Guess what? I don’t care how long it’s been since that promise you so deeply desire to see unwrapped has been given to you. I don’t care if it’s as ancient as the hills. Now you have tools to not care either 😉

Lastly, remember Papa knows what He is doing. He isn’t that ex boyfriend, or even like our earthly fathers (regardless how good they are) He is GREATER and He keeps His promises.

So hold on to your trust/faith lovely, He’s not done just yet.

Loving you,

Tanisha Poni 💜